Running on Faith
by Psyched
Summary: Post ep (and then some) for "A Line in the Sand/Ninguna Salida" (9x23/9x24). How does the team escape the general and his men? How bad are Deeks' injuries? And what happens between Kensi and Deeks?
1. Chapter 1

**AN** : For many reasons, this has taken me much longer to write than I anticipated. I'd like to thank everyone who has expressed an interest in and an anticipation of this story. Not sure I would have finished without your encouragement. I hope it doesn't disappoint!

The more spoilers that come out, the more AU this becomes, at least the first chapter (though you know we'll never get as much Densi time in the show as the rest of the story will provide). Oh well, that's what I get for not finishing it sooner.

* * *

 _Then we'd go running on faith. All of our dreams would come true.  
And our world will be right, when love comes over me and you.  
~Running on Faith, Eric Clapton_

Kensi's eyes were burning and she hadn't even opened them. The instant she regained consciousness, in the moment before her body could respond and try to move, she recalled what had happened. She'd been driving her team to the alternate exfil site in Mexico and they'd been hit with an RPG. She remembered the panicked voices of her teammates, a ball of flame, the windshield cracking, the SUV going airborne, crashing back down on her side, continuing its roll, and then nothing.

Everything hurt, but Kensi couldn't figure out where her body was, like the feeling she had when she started to wake up some mornings and didn't know what position she was lying in. She couldn't orient herself in space without opening her eyes, but she was afraid of what she would see. She could hear the alternating roaring and hissing of the flames, which must be nearby given the heat she felt. But she couldn't hear anyone calling her name. No one was coughing from the fumes. No one was breathing heavily in fear. No one was moaning in pain.

A smaller explosion rocked the back of SUV and forced Kensi to finally look around, taking in the scene almost as quickly as she drew her next breath. Deeks, Callen, and Sam were piled below her in the passenger's side of the truck, resembling ragdolls as their arms and heads hung limply. Kensi realized she was above them, still belted into the driver's seat, her own arm hanging down as if reaching toward her partner.

"Deeks?" Kensi barely croaked out. She coughed, the heat from the fire in front of her causing her throat to sting. Her next attempt was louder. "Deeks! Callen, Sam! Wake up, we need to get out of here now!"

"Kens, you good?" Callen asked as he regained consciousness and began to take in their situation. He started to sit up and pressed against Sam in the process. Both men let out moans of pain and began to extract themselves from the heap they were in without doing each other further damage.

Ignoring her team leader now that she knew he and Sam were alive, Kensi focused on Deeks. She wanted to touch him, feel for a pulse or a heartbeat, but she knew if she unlatched her seatbelt she would fall on top of him and do him more harm. "Deeks!" she practically shouted.

"Kensi, clear out what's left of the windshield so we can get out. I'll check on him," Callen said.

Kensi watched him move toward Deeks for only a moment before reaching for the section of broken glass that was directly in front of her and pushing it further toward the hood with her hands. Still held mostly together by its lamination, it easily folded down and out of the way.

"He's got a pulse," Callen announced, and Kensi would have heaved a sigh of relief if they weren't all still in grave danger.

"How's Sam?" Kensi could finally think about the other member of their team now that she knew Deeks was alive. She hadn't heard more than muttered curses from him since they'd woken.

"Sam's waiting for Callen to get off of him," the big man grumbled, voice gruffer than usual.

In front of Deeks, the windshield was jaggedly broken and still partially in the frame, blocking their escape. Kensi managed to draw her knees up toward her chest to pull her legs out of the footwell and out from under the steering wheel and deflated airbag one at a time. She put one foot on the side of Deeks' bucket seat before releasing her seatbelt and used the other to kick the remaining glass out of the way, holding onto the driver's side grab-handle to provide balance and allow her to swing a little bit toward her target.

Task accomplished, Kensi's foot found and settled on the grab-handle by Deeks' head. She let go of her own handhold, ducked beneath the flames that continued to burn from the engine block of the demolished vehicle and exited through the windshield frame and onto the ground beyond.

Kneeling just outside of the SUV, Kensi turned her attention back to Deeks. Now that she was at his level, she could see that he was bleeding from his nose and mouth. His airbags had also deployed, so she hoped that was what the blood was from. She shook his shoulder, "Deeks, come on baby, open your eyes." There was no response. "Sam, he's not waking up," Kensi said, sounding slightly panicked.

"Kensi, help G get out. I'll take care of Deeks. We need to clear out of here while we still have the fire as cover," Sam said.

"And before General Vasquez sends his men to make sure we're dead," Kensi added.

"Give me a hand." Callen said. He grasped Kensi's offered arm, which provided enough leverage to help him reposition his torso between the front seats and relieve Sam of his weight. With Sam supporting his legs from the back seat and Kensi helping him to maneuver over Deeks in the front, Callen managed to make it through the windshield with only a few more scrapes.

"You good?" she asked, giving him a quick once-over as he emerged from the SUV. Kensi noticed he was favoring his left wrist. She nodded at it, "Broken?"

Callen scanned the vicinity for any immediate threats. "Nah, probably sprained; plenty of bruises and a hell of a headache otherwise. You?"

"Same, minus the wrist," she said.

Inside the truck, Sam grabbed the back of Deeks' seat roughly and groaned in pain as he struggled to get completely upright. The sound and jostling of his seat seemed to bring Deeks back to consciousness and he too began to moan.

"Deeks, can you hear me?" Kensi called, drawn back toward him.

"Go, I got him. Help Callen find a way out of the area," Sam ordered.

Kensi cast a reluctant glance at her waking partner but did as she was told, reminding herself that Sam was the best person to deal with Deeks' medical needs. Staying low, she looked around and was relieved to note that her view of the bridge from which Vasquez and his men had attacked them was obstructed by a small hill. If she couldn't see them, chances were they couldn't see her. She scouted a few hundred yards to the east, finding nothing but brushland that wouldn't provide consistent cover.

Callen came around from the back of the truck as Kensi returned to the area. "The smoke and fire are still blocking us from their sight, but not for long. Looks like the gas tank already blew, so that's one bit of good news," he said.

"And getting out of here?"

"The road we came in on is our best bet for the first couple hundred yards while we still have the cover of this mess. After that we'll have to make our way into the brush. Play keep-away until the next exfil attempt."

"What's our timeline for that?"

"Don't know. I only have a location to be used in the event of an extreme emergency. I'd say this qualifies."

"They have RPGs, there's no way it's happening via chopper."

"Yeah. We need to get in contact with ops. Sam and I couldn't find the sat phone and we both lost our comms in the rollover. Is yours working?"

At Callen's question, Kensi realized she'd been hearing a muted buzzing in her left ear since she woke. Touching her earwig and pressing gently, she felt pain and a sticky dampness. When she pulled her hand away, she saw blood on her fingertips. Removing the comm from her ear, both Kensi and Callen could see it wouldn't work; it was cracked and covered with blood, which had surely seeped inside the device and rendered it useless. Kensi also noticed that the droning sound and dulled hearing did not improve with the comm gone.

"What's wrong?" Callen asked at the look on her face.

Kensi shook her head, "Ear's probably filled with blood, not hearing a hundred percent. But that's the least of our problems. What's taking Sam and Deeks so long?" She started back toward the windshield and knelt on the ground as close as she could get while still keeping clear of the flames.

When Deeks saw her he asked, "You good, Kens?"

"Hey, nice of you to finally wake up from your nap," she kidded gently. "I'm good. How do you feel?"

"Like I typically do after a leisurely drive with you," he teased back.

"How's your head? You were unconscious longer than the rest of us," she was all business again.

"You know I never pass up the opportunity to sleep, Fern. Especially when I have a pounding headache."

Kensi looked further into the wreckage and saw Sam in the cargo area. "What's going on? Why are you guys still in there?"

Deeks' small smile turned into a grimace. "My foot's stuck. Sam's looking for something to wedge under whatever's got me pinned."

"Found the sat phone," Sam called as he made his way around the back seat and partially between the buckets in the front. He tossed it out and Kensi handed it off to Callen. "Got the arm of the jack too." All three immediately realized there was no way Sam would be able to fit his torso past Deeks' legs and into his footwell. He passed the metal rod from the jack to Deeks, who bent over to work at it, but he couldn't get far enough under the dashboard and so couldn't see what he was doing.

"Sam, come out, I can get down there," Kensi said.

Callen said something behind her, but she didn't catch it. Whether it was because she was distracted by what was going on inside the truck or because of the continued buzzing in her ear she didn't know. "What?" she asked as she briefly turned to look at him.

"Battery's dead," he said, slipping the sat phone in one of the pockets of his tactical vest.

It took several seconds for Sam to pull himself over the front seats and toward the windshield. Deeks helped from the inside and Kensi from the outside. Aside from his already wounded and once again freely bleeding leg, Kensi suspected Sam also suffered a fractured rib or two by the way he carefully moved and occasionally sucked in a breath.

As soon as the senior agent was clear of the vehicle, Kensi started to head in when Deeks stopped her. "The airbag's going to be in your way."

"Easy enough to cut it free," she said and held out her hand. Deeks looked at her for a beat or two, alternating between her face and her open palm before Kensi explained, "My knife, Deeks. I gave it to you before I went to the general's compound."

Understanding what she wanted, Deeks nodded quickly and reached down to pull the knife from inside his boot.

"You think it's broken?" Kensi asked as she started cutting into the nylon bag that had probably saved Deeks' life.

"Huh?" Deeks said.

"Your foot. Or ankle. Do you think it's broken or just stuck?"

Deeks ran a hand through his hair and winced slightly. "Don't know. It's kind of immobilized down there, so I can't really tell."

Kensi narrowed her eyes at her partner. "You sure you're alright, babe? You seem a little off."

"Nah, I'm good. Yeah, no, I'm fine. Good, good. I'm good."

"How's the headache?"

"Fine. Getting better all the time."

She wasn't convinced but didn't have the time to question him further as the last of the airbag came away in her hand. Taking a moment to tuck the knife into her own boot, Kensi made her way mostly back into the truck. She slid head-first over the dash in front of Deeks and used his legs to help her shimmy toward the floor of his footwell. He hissed in discomfort.

"Sorry," Kensi said.

"Just do what you have to." He put his hands on Kensi's hips to stabilize her. "Not going to complain about the view in the meantime, though," Deeks muttered, his eyes on the curve of Kensi's backside directly in front of him. Even though their immediate and long-term future was somewhat muddied right now and his headache wasn't in fact getting any better, he could still appreciate the present moment.

Kensi took in the situation as soon as she positioned herself on her side against Deeks' legs. He must have had his right foot up against the back wall of the space, as if he was slamming on an imaginary brake pedal. His foot had gone through the damaged interior wall of the well. Pulling back the carpet-covered plastic, she discovered that Deeks' foot and ankle were caught between two engine components that had been displaced by the explosion and crash.

She heard Sam's voice and could make out its urgency, but not his words. Soon after, Deeks said, "You hear that, Kens? The smoke and flames are dying down. We're losing cover."

"Okay," she grunted as she pushed the jack handle through the hole alongside Deeks' foot, careful not to cause any additional damage to him, "I'm working as fast as I can."

Callen or Sam must have asked Deeks about his comms, because she heard him calling for Nell and Beale several times before announcing, "Nothing."

Less than a minute later, she was making slow progress and Deeks was becoming agitated. "Can you keep still? You block my view every time you move your foot."

"Kens, baby, you need to get out of here. Leave that and I'll work myself out. Vasquez's men are going to show up any second. I'll catch up with you."

"We're not leaving you behind, Deeks. _I'm_ not leaving this car without you, period. Just shut up and quit moving."

After another several seconds, he tried again, anxiety creeping into his voice. "Seriously baby, this is my worst nightmare. If you stay much longer, you're going to die here with me. I can't let that happen. Just go, Kensi. _Please_."

Kensi kept working, moving the bar back and forth to shift the pieces of the engine that were in the way of their escape. Since she didn't hear any responding cries of pain from her partner, she assumed neither his foot not his ankle was seriously injured. "We live together or we die together, Deeks. Kind of like you were willing to die with me in Syria."

"Son of a bitch," Deeks muttered. Now both of his hands went to his head in frustration. Kensi missed the flinch of pain on his face.

"Yeah, I know about that. And I never called you on it because I would have done the same thing in your place. So let me do this," Kensi was able to jerk the handle a little further each time she tried. She had to be close. "We're still partners and neither of us is going to die today if I have anything to say about it. Have a little faith. I got your back." She used her building anger and fear to give it one more good push and finally felt something give. She pulled his leg and the foot came free. "Or your foot, in this case. Now let's get the hell out of here."

Kensi heard shots from Callen and Sam and knew they were out of time. Deeks helped push her back over the dashboard and as she straightened, she reached behind her for her own gun. The senior agents were on either side of the truck, so Kensi stayed by the windshield to cover Deeks and help him out of the vehicle.

"Can you walk?" Kensi said as soon as Deeks placed his foot on the ground.

Adding more weight to his leg and simultaneously drawing his weapon, Deeks said, "Yeah, let's go."

* * *

Thirty minutes later half the team was worse for wear, but they moved as fast as they could. Sam's leg slowed them down, even with Callen helping to bear his weight when the big man would occasionally relent and allow it. Deeks walked behind the senior agents and Kensi took up the rear, frequently walking backward to watch their six.

The gunfight near their demolished SUV was with a small group of Vasquez's men who had likely been sent only to confirm they were dead. They were taken out quickly enough to allow a retreat into the rockier area to their west. It was the opposite direction from where they needed to head for their last-ditch exfil, but the large rocks offered more cover and would require their pursuers to follow on foot.

Deeks' limp wasn't as prominent as Sam's, but Kensi thought he was less steady on his feet at times. He seemed to be squinting more in the daylight than necessary, and she suspected his headache was getting worse. Every time she quietly asked if he was okay, he assured her he was fine. Kensi wondered if that was a deliberate choice of words. She also wished they could stop for a few minutes so Sam could rest and check out Deeks, but they didn't have that much of a lead on the general's men.

They halted suddenly at Callen's signal and two seconds later Kensi heard what had given him pause: the sound of an engine. Looking around, she knew they all had the same thought: a vehicle was approaching the area from the nearby plateau that rose about twenty-five feet and to the south of them, and they would be easy targets. As one, they quickly headed toward the base of the plateau, to make the angle to see and shoot at them as difficult as possible. If they had to defend themselves from this position, the men who were surely not far enough behind them on foot would know their location and they would be forced to fight a battle on two fronts with limited ammunition remaining. That wouldn't end well for them.

Still in the rear, Kensi glanced around as her teammates made it to the relative safety of the side of the small cliff. Noticing the way Sam and Deeks leaned heavily against the natural wall, she worried that this would be a short fight. She looked up and saw a lone armed figure standing at the top of the plateau. Her mind fought her body's signal to move faster when she thought she recognized him.

Callen hissed, "Kensi?"

Trusting her gut, Kensi took several steps back so she could get a better look. She couldn't help but smile when she ran back to the team and said, "It's Turk."

Using hand signals, Hetty's contact directed them to follow the curve of the cliffside several hundred yards ahead where they found a well-traveled path leading up where the slope was less steep. Sam accepted Callen's help readily and Kensi stayed close behind Deeks, fearing he would topple over otherwise. She was certain by now that he had more than a mild concussion and his ankle, though obviously not broken, was causing him additional pain thanks to all the walking on uneven terrain.

As they neared the top, Turk lowered a pair of binoculars from his eyes and said, "Hurry, I can see Vasquez and his men approaching."

They helped Sam and Deeks into the bed of Turk's pick-up truck and rested them next to one another leaning against a side. Callen found a tarp at the back of the bed and used it to prop up Sam's leg. Turk wasted no time in getting behind the wheel and getting them out of the area.

Keeping off the main roads, the ride was jarring, and the rough metal of the cargo bed added to their discomfort. By that point, Kensi figured their bruises had bruises. She felt bad for Sam, whose wounded leg and likely fractured rib must be causing him substantial pain. At least Deeks allowed Kensi to rest his ankle on her leg, simultaneously elevating it and acting as a shock absorber from the bumpy road.

Deeks looked like he was having difficulty staying awake and Kensi's worry was increasing. She debated suggesting to Callen that they consider finding a hospital somewhere in Mexico rather than waiting until they crossed the border into the States when Turk pulled onto a property that housed a huge barn. Driving around it, Kensi was relieved to see a chopper waiting for them and knew they'd be at a hospital in the US before they'd get to one by back roads in Mexico.

Minutes later as she scanned the area below the rising helicopter, Kensi wondered how long it would take for them to reach US airspace. She didn't think she would relax until then. Who was she kidding, she wouldn't begin to relax until she and Deeks were in their home again. But even then, things would certainly be awkward between them. At least until they finally talked about their argument and where it left them.

Kensi understood Deeks' reluctance to discuss it while they had been in Mexico on a mission; it really wasn't the appropriate time or place. Part of her had been hoping they could just apologize for the things they'd said in the parking garage and go back to the way they were. But Deeks' hesitancy last night made it clear that this was not something simple apologies would heal. They would need to have a serious conversation about their future and how they wanted to reach their common goals. Deeks had seemed unsure that they even had any shared dreams anymore when he called off the wedding. Kensi knew they did, and she needed to be able to make that clear to him.

She took a few moments to study Deeks, who was sitting directly across from her, his leg propped up on her lap while they were in flight to help with the pain and the swelling. His eyes were closed and Kensi could see he was hurting by the tension in his face. She gave his shin, where her hand was resting, a quick squeeze and was surprised that he didn't open his eyes to glance at her. She'd been hoping to offer him a little reassurance, here in the middle of the team and Turk, that they would be home soon and would resolve their issues.

Kensi put more pressure into her next squeeze, and gently shook Deeks' leg as well. His eyes blinked open, and it took him a while to focus on Kensi's face. He appeared somewhat confused, she thought, as if he needed time to scan his surroundings and figure out where he was.

She elbowed Sam, who was seated next to her, and nodded toward her partner once she had the senior agent's attention. "Deeks, you doing okay?"

"What?" he said, and seemed even more disoriented. Deeks' hand moved toward his stomach, as if he might get sick.

Sam caught this too and started to unbuckle his harness as he asked, "You nauseated, man?"

Before Sam finished the question, Deeks opened his mouth and vomited.

"Deeks!" Kensi yelled. He didn't answer because he had passed out.

* * *

 **AN2** : Thanks for reading. I look forward to hearing what you think. The next chapter will be posted over the weekend.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN** : I've been overwhelmed by the number of reviews, follows, and favorites the first chapter of this story has received; thank you all so much. I made several changes to this chapter after the first set of behind-the-scene pictures came out in an attempt to make the story spoiler-compliant. I stopped trying after that. Please let me know what you think. The next update should be Wednesday or Thursday.

Happy Labor Day to those in the US. Enjoy your three-day weekend, BBQs, and the kiddies going back to school if they haven't already!

* * *

"Kens, why don't you go inside and find us some food?" Callen suggested.

"Tired of watching me pace?"

"You're going to wear a trench in the sidewalk at the rate you're going." His back and one foot rested against the wall a distance away from a service entrance at the rear of a Mexican hospital. He wore a stolen set of hospital scrubs and to passers-by looked like a doctor taking a break. He had also managed to snatch a brace to stabilize his wrist.

Kensi stopped and leaned next to him. "It'll give us cover when Williams, Vasquez's men, the Federales, a member of the cartel, or any random sharp-eyed local recognizes us and tries to kill or capture us."

Callen had heard from Turk soon after they arrived at the hospital about the bounty on their heads. A small fortune to whoever brought them to Vasquez and Williams, dead or alive. He'd also learned how their savior managed to find them seemingly in the middle of nowhere. At Hetty's request, Turk had hidden trackers on the tactical gear he'd provided Sam and Callen.

Hearing the tone of pessimism Kensi hadn't tried to hide, Callen said, "As soon as Sam and Deeks are patched up, we'll get out of here and get them to a hospital in the States."

Kensi didn't bother to respond to her team leader. She turned her head away from him and closed her eyes. Bad move, she realized, because the memories rushed back.

 _She'd noticed Deeks seemed off from the time he woke in the SUV. She'd become increasingly worried about him as they escaped into the Mexican desert. Though he said nothing, Kensi believed his headache had worsened and that he was occasionally lightheaded, bordering on disoriented. By the time Deeks vomited and lost consciousness in the chopper, Sam was already on his way to Deeks and had reached him a second later. The former SEAL tilted Deeks' head, lifted an eyelid and announced with concern, "His pupil's blown." He then yelled to the pilot, "We got a possible TBI here. Get us to the nearest level one trauma center now!"_

Then, as now, a shiver ran through Kensi. Sam soon decided they didn't have the time to get to a trauma center in the US when Deeks started seizing moments later. In less than ten minutes they were touching down on the helipad next to the nearest large hospital in Mexico, a team ready and waiting to whisk Deeks away from her. All Kensi could do was fill out the paperwork about allergies and past medical history and make up a cover story about how he had sustained his injuries.

That was more than three hours ago. In that time, she, Callen, and Turk had set up a rotation of sorts. It was Callen's turn to keep lookout at the back of the hospital while Turk remained near the front entrance. Kensi floated between them, the ER where Sam was, and the surgical floor where Deeks had been taken soon after their arrival. She could only hope the fact that it had been a few hours with no news was good news.

After she last snuck into his treatment bay in the ER, Sam revealed that his leg wound had been cleaned and stitched again, he had a mild concussion, and x-rays had confirmed Kensi's previous suspicion of a fractured rib. He wasn't being released until a bag of IV antibiotics was in him. Confident he was not in medical jeopardy, they had agreed someone would only take a walk through the emergency department periodically to check for people who might be on the lookout for them and covertly lay eyes on Sam to make sure he was alright. Once he was discharged, he would meet up with whoever was on watch at the back of the hospital.

"Kensi," Callen called gently, and she got the impression it wasn't his first attempt to get her attention. "I mean it. Go do another round. See what's going on with Turk, find out if there's any news on Deeks, make sure Sam hasn't torn up the ER, and then find a cafeteria. We'll switch positions after we eat."

She nodded and headed back in. Kensi hated the times she was assigned to stay in one place, knowing that Callen and Turk would be unable to get information on Deeks. As chaotic as it was when they first arrived at the hospital, Turk had the presence of mind, based on the knowledge of the bounty that he hadn't yet had the time to share, to suggest that Kensi alone accompany Deeks. He didn't know of their relationship but they were both in civilian clothes and he did know they'd be easier to spot if they were with two other people in tactical camo gear.

As far as the surgical staff knew, Deeks was her husband and she was behind the wheel when she accidentally drove off the road, rolling the car several times.

Deciding to visit the surgical ward first, Kensi took the long way to the nurses' station, making sure there was no one hoping to earn the bounty laying in wait for her. Finally making it to the desk, it was clear one of the nurses had been looking for her.

"Is he okay?" Kensi asked anxiously in fluent Spanish.

The woman smiled kindly and said, "Your husband was taken into the operating room immediately once the neurosurgeon arrived. Scans showed a small but growing subdural hematoma. Surgery is needed to relieve the pressure of the blood that was pooling between his brain and his skull in order to avoid permanent damage."

"Brain surgery?" Kensi said, stepping back a little in shock and hoping she had misunderstood since she wasn't as familiar with medical terms in the other language.

"The doctor will make holes in his skull to allow the blood to drain. They won't actually be operating on his brain."

"Is...is he going to be alright?"

"The bleeding was discovered and the pressure is being relieved relatively quickly after the presentation of symptoms, which is good. But it's too soon to tell what kind of damage may result. It also depends on where in the brain the bleeding is and where the blood is collecting." At Kensi's look, the nurse stressed, "It was a small bleed, and obviously a slow one, since he was conscious for some time after the accident, which is also good news. But we won't know anything more until the surgery is complete and he wakes up."

Kensi asked more questions before the nurse left. Ones she was afraid to hear the answers to, but asked anyway. Phrases like "traumatic brain injury" "cognitive impairments" "speech difficulties" "memory loss" "blindness" and "paralysis" swam through her consciousness as possible outcomes for a significant subdural hematoma. But hadn't the nurse said Deeks' was small? Was there such a thing as an insignificant brain bleed?

Making quick work of her check-ins with Turk and Sam, Kensi returned to Callen with updates. She had skipped the cafeteria because after her discussion with the nurse, she wasn't hungry.

"Go grab something for you and Turk," she said. "But leave me the phone. I want to call our mothers." Turk had handed Callen another sat phone before they separated upon arrival at the hospital. Hetty knew he'd located them, because she was the one feeding him the directions to where their trackers were.

"You think that's a good idea until we know something more? It's not like they can do anything."

The truth was Kensi wanted Roberta to pray for her son. She wanted her own mother to do the same. Kensi had always regretted not calling Dom's family when they had a lead on his whereabouts. Callen had said he would ask Nate to talk to them, but by the time he did it was too late. All they could have done was pray, she knew, but maybe that would have helped. She'd never know. But she wouldn't take that chance now. Not with Deeks' life in the balance.

"They need to know," Kensi insisted as she put out her hand for the phone.

It rang as Callen was about to give it to her. Neither of them recognized the number on the screen.

"Callen," he said when he answered it. Kensi watched his eyebrows lift in surprise as he turned to walk further away from her and the possibility of being overheard by passers-by, "Assistant Director, are you and Derrick safe?"

He turned back again when he reported, "Our exfil wasn't quite as smooth. The general and his men were waiting and hit us with some heavy firepower…We're at a hospital in Mexico. Kensi and I are fine, Sam's got a fractured rib, and Deeks…" Callen paused and glanced at his junior agent, "is in surgery. He has some bleeding on the brain." He listened again and then said, "We're not sure yet…yeah, hang on," before reluctantly handing the phone over to Kensi.

"Kensi, I'm sorry to hear that Detective Deeks has been hurt. I hope he makes a full recovery. I want to assure you that even though he had no business being in Mexico, I haven't processed his termination yet, so he'll still be covered for any injuries sustained in the course the rescue mission."

Kensi couldn't believe what she was hearing. Mosley had the gall to say that Deeks shouldn't have helped to rescue her son? Reining in her temper so she didn't say what she really wanted to, Kensi instead pointed out another inaccuracy in the EAD's statement. "Actually ma'am, this mission was off the books, remember? It had nothing to do with national security or the Department of the Navy. It was completely personal for you, so we'll all be lucky if the job covers our medical expenses."

In a haughty tone, Mosley said, "Well then, Henrietta can figure something out to make sure you're all taken care of. I've heard she's quite adept at…manipulating the facts to suit her, and her team's needs. I'm sure you can understand, I'll be taking some time off to spend with my son. She can contact me if need be."

"I'm sorry? We were nearly killed rescuing your son and now we're Hetty's mess to clean up? And Deeks had no business being there in the first place?" Kensi was having difficulty controlling her anger. "Let me tell you something, Executive Assistant Director Mosley. If he hadn't been there you wouldn't be with your son right now. Because Deeks was the one who came up with the idea that got us into the general's compound. Afteryou fired him for calling you out on your unprofessional and illegal behavior. After you had him escorted out of the mission and to our home by his own colleagues. After you wouldn't even let me speak his name in your presence. Deeks is the _only_ reason you've got your son back and he's having holes drilled into his skull right now because he wanted to help you, even though you've made it clear from day one that you have no need for him or his skills."

"Agent Blye, I'm going to overlook your insolence because you're upset over your fiancé's injuries and because I promised to repay you for your actions on my behalf. Consider it your repayment in full that you still have your job." The EAD's voice was cool, but Kensi could hear the restraint.

"Are you kidding me?" Furious because Deeks might not be her fiancé any more, Kensi was done with restraint. "Here's something that won't be overlooked. If Deeks suffers any kind of permanent damage, or if he…doesn't survive, that will be on you. Just like Hidoko's death is your fault." Realizing she was about to step over a line that would surely cost her job no matter what her boss had just said, Kensi barely managed to bite back her next comment, which would have promised—okay threatened—to make it her life's work to burn down Mosley's career if Deeks died. Focusing on holding her tongue, it took Kensi a moment or two to realize Mosley hadn't responded. Looking at the phone's display, she discovered that the call had ended.

She raised her arm to throw the device but Callen grabbed her wrist. Kensi had forgotten he was there. "Believe me, I get it, but this is the only phone we have right now." He took it from her and continued, "Deeks usually throws chairs, by the way."

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "If there was one here, I probably would have." Kensi paused for beat and asked, "When did Deeks ever throw a chair?"

"When Ferris had you. The Wonder Twins showed me and Sam the video from the boatshed. He threw a chair across the room and then told Hetty it was on her if anything happened to you." Callen gave Kensi a small smile as he slowly shook his head, "You two are quite the pair."

Kensi hid her cringe. Who knew what she and Deeks were anymore? "If I promise not to break it, will you trust me with the phone so I can call our moms?"

Callen looked hesitant to leave, but ultimately agreed to give Kensi some privacy for her conversations. Once alone, Kensi slid down the wall. She rested her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. She drew in a few calming breaths, reminding herself that she still had a job to do and couldn't afford to break down during or after her calls.

* * *

Two hours later, Kensi was seated at Deeks' bedside, his hand held tightly in hers.

While Kensi had been on the phone with their mothers, Sam was released. He'd located a closet of donated clothes for the indigent or people whose clothing had been ruined and counted himself fortunate to find clothes that while they didn't fit well, saved him from having to wear his patient's gowns. After exchanging updates with her, Sam had relieved Kensi of her place in the rotation and told her to stay with Deeks and consider herself his protection detail when he came out of surgery. That happened about thirty minutes ago.

She listened to the steady beeps and checked the monitors periodically for any changes. Deeks was unconscious and was expected to remain that way for anywhere from a few hours to a few days, depending on the extent of the damage his brain sustained. That didn't stop Kensi from frequently squeezing and rubbing Deeks' hand, sometimes followed by standing up to kiss his cheek and whispered in his ear, "Baby I'm here. Please wake up."

His head was bandaged in two places, but most of his hair was still there. This both surprised and relieved Kensi when she first saw him after surgery. It surprised her because when she thought of an operation on the head, she assumed the entire scalp would need to be clean-shaven. She was relieved because she knew Deeks would have been upset to find the glorious Viking mane that he loved and was so proud of was gone. From under one of the bandages came the thin catheter that allowed the blood to drain from between his skull and his brain.

The hospital phone on his bedside table rang, startling Kensi. Assuming it was Callen or Sam, but just in case it wasn't, she picked it up and answered, "¿Bueno?"

"Miss Blye." The voice was soft but distinct. "How is he?"

She cleared her throat before attempting to answer. "We won't know until he wakes up."

"Sounds sadly familiar," Hetty said.

Kensi didn't know what else to say. "Have you spoken to Callen?"

"Yes. I told him I would be arranging for the safe return of my team. It sounds like a medical transport will be necessary."

"If they'll even discharge him. Deeks is stable, but in critical condition."

"You let me worry about that, Ms. Blye. Please tell Mr. Deeks that if he is not conscious by the time he arrives in Los Angeles, his mother and I will be at his bedside repeating a chorus of 'Martins' until he wakes up."

Kensi smiled. "I will," she assured her boss.

"And make sure you eat what Mr. Callen brought you," she said before hanging up.

As if on cue, the team leader breezed through the door, a doctor's white coat now over his scrubs. Callen handed a paper bag to her, saying, "The enchiladas from the truck across the street are really good."

"Smells good," she lied. "Thanks."

"I take it Hetty told you she's working on getting us home."

She nodded. "If Deeks isn't well enough to travel, you and Sam should go."

"That's not happening."

"It's not safe for the four of us to be in one place."

"I'm not sure you heard what the chopper pilot said, but we're south of Sinaloa here. I think it's a safe bet that Williams and Vasquez are looking for us closer to the border, not farther away."

"They've got eyes and ears everywhere Callen, you know that. Plenty of helpful citizens would be more than happy to collect the bounty, too. To be honest, I can't believe an attempt hasn't been made on us since we got here."

"Which is why Sam and I are taking turns keeping watch on this floor until we're on our way back to LA. Together." Callen stared Kensi down, practically daring the junior agent to argue any more.

"Where's Turk?" she asked instead.

"Sent him home. We don't need him linked to us if we're discovered. Plus he can get more info for us there. Everyone is where they need to be right now."

Kensi turned back to Deeks and laid her hand on his once more. She heard Callen say, "Eat that," as he left.

It was just before midnight when an American neurologist entered the room and introduced himself as Dr. Licari, a friend of Miss Lange's. He reviewed Deeks' chart and examined him before declaring that the patient was healthy enough to be transferred to a US hospital aboard an appropriately equipped medical transport. Which he happened to have flown down on at the behest of their mutual friend.

Kensi and the doctor signed several hospital forms and a short ambulance ride later, the team was airborne again. All three conscious team members slept for the two-hour flight to LAX. Upon learning that Kensi and Callen hadn't been seen by a doctor after the accident, Licari insisted that they visit the ER when they arrived at the Ronald Reagan UCLA Medical Center while he made sure Deeks was settled in a room.

Like Sam, each was diagnosed with a mild concussion and multiple contusions of various severities. In addition, Kensi's eardrum was punctured and Callen's wrist was badly sprained, requiring nothing more than the splint he'd filched.

* * *

Kensi woke slowly, a little stiff but relatively well rested. She glanced at her watch without lifting her head from next to Deeks' hip. Just after seven in the morning.

She'd slept better than she thought she would for the remainder of the night while hunched over in a chair, her head on Deeks' mattress, his hand in hers. She supposed it had something to do with the fact that they were back in Los Angeles and there was a cadre of NCIS agents assigned protective detail at the hospital as a precaution. As Callen had pointed out when they first saw them, there was no telling how far Williams' and the general's connections went and there was no sense in taking unnecessary risks while Deeks couldn't defend himself.

Licari would come by in the evening, he promised. The nursing staff would contact him should Deeks' condition deteriorate, but he had told Kensi the doctors in Mexico were correct in their assessment. He would likely wake up on his own within the next day or two.

"How's our favorite detective?" Kensi heard from behind her, and she jumped slightly, automatically on alert and ready to protect her partner even as she recognized the voice. Sitting in a chair in a corner was Hetty.

"Deeks will be sorry he missed hearing you call him that," Kensi said. "How long have you been here?"

"Long enough to see that you needed your rest. You might want to sleep with your good ear up next time, though, if you're going to startle like that."

Kensi touched her left ear. "It's still a little tender for that." Hetty's comment told Kensi that her boss had the full report on her injuries. She guessed Callen had something to do with that.

"It's good to see you both, Ms. Blye. Ms. Jones, Mr. Beale, and I were very worried about you all until contact was reestablished."

"Thank you for getting us home so fast, Hetty. The reason I was able to sleep at all is because we're here and safe."

"I haven't spoken with Dr. Licari since last night before he left Los Angeles. What does he say about Mr. Deeks' condition?"

Kensi told her what she knew and Hetty walked to the the other side of Deeks' bed.

Hetty took his free hand and said, "I'll tell you what I told Ms. Blye when she was in a similar situation. We need you with us, Mr. Deeks. It is time to wake up. Why don't you squeeze my hand now." When nothing happened, she repeated the command, but again he was still. "Cheeky bastard," Hetty muttered, smiling fondly. "Alright then, you rest. But I'll be back tomorrow. With your mother," she winked at Kensi.

They were quiet for a while, each woman thinking about the man in the bed. Hetty finally broke the silence with, "I have your phone for you, and Mr. Deeks' as well."

Taking them and tucking her own in her back pocket, Kensi said, "Thanks. I'll be able to text our moms updates now."

"And remain in contact with Mr. Deeks' medical team," Hetty said.

"Why would I need a phone for that? It's not like I'll be cleared for field work before he wakes up, so I'll be here most of the time."

"I'm afraid I need you on a plane for New York tonight," she said.

"New York!" Kensi practically shouted. Casting a quick glance at Deeks, she lowered her voice, "Hetty, what are you talking about?"

"The timing is unfortunate, but the FBI team responsible for locating the men behind the Patton Project have had a break in the case. There is a multi-agency task force being formed and your participation is requested. It is for an indefinite amount of time, but I'm sure your teammates and mothers will be happy to keep an eye on your partner."

Kensi said, "I'm not leaving this hospital unless it's by Deeks' side. You need to explain that I'm not available right now."

"I'm sorry, Agent Blye, but that's not possible. Special Agent Monroe, whom you met in Colorado, is putting together the task force. He was so impressed by you and your actions that day that he personally spoke to Director Vance on the matter. The director and SecNav were more than happy to offer your services. In addition to enhancing interagency cooperation, the involvement of one of our own in this very important group would be quite the feather in NCIS's cap. Yours as well, I'm sure I needn't remind you. And given your recent…conversation with the EAD, this might just be a most opportune assignment for you."

It didn't take long for Hetty to hear about her blow-up with Mosley, Kensi thought. She stood and whispered harshly, "Deeks just had holes drilled in his head because his brain is bleeding! The doctors can't tell me for sure when he's going to regain consciousness or if he'll be alright when he does. He was the first thing I saw when I came out of my coma, Hetty. I'm damned sure going to be here when he wakes up. There has to be something you can do to get me out of this."

"Do not forget what this group almost did, Agent Blye. They took over two missile launch control centers and very nearly fired more than fifty nuclear warheads at several predominately Muslim countries. This is a matter of utmost national security, and it is also your job, as inconvenient as it may be right now. I am sorry, Kensi," Hetty repeated, placing her hand on her junior agent's arm.

Kensi stared at the floor for what seemed like an eternity, thoughts racing. She deflated as she sat down and faced Deeks again, her back to her boss. "I'm sorry too, Hetty," she said as she pulled out her cell phone, swiped a few times, and then began tapping.

The operations manager watched her agent, saddened. She was about to speak when Kensi said, "You'll have my formal letter of resignation as soon as Deeks wakes up. Until then, an email will have to do."

Hetty nodded and silently walked out of the room. Several moments later she returned with a go-bag to find Kensi tossing her phone next to Deeks' on his tray table and placing her head in her hand. "How do you feel, Ms. Blye?" she asked.

"I'll be okay once I know Deeks will be," Kensi said, annoyed at the older woman's continued presence and ridiculous question.

"Let me be more specific. How does it feel to have quit the job you love?"

What the hell? Kensi thought as she turned to look in shock at her former boss. "I couldn't care less about NCIS right now, Hetty!" she snapped. "Deeks could die or have brain damage because we went on a mission that we shouldn't have been on. He tried to tell me that. He and Callen both knew this wasn't a case for us, but Sam and I wanted to go, so we all went. Deeks came, even though he was fired, because he's my partner, and he wanted to have my back." Her eyes were shiny with tears, but Kensi's anger at herself kept them from falling.

Hetty said kindly, "Remember this moment when the time really does come to leave NCIS."

Kensi was getting frustrated with the conversation. "Didn't you hear me? I just resigned."

Hetty put her hand on Kensi's shoulder and shook her head slowly. "I will be deleting that email without opening it, Agent Blye. There are no new leads on the Patton Project and there is no task-force. Please forgive me, dear. I was merely trying to make it easier for you when you decide to hang up your gun one day. I know that's been a struggle for you and Mr. Deeks lately."

Kensi narrowed her eyes in confusion until realization hit. "The security cameras in the parking garage," she said.

Hetty nodded, "That lipreading program Mr. Beale found was most helpful in giving me an idea of what your discussion was about."

Kensi didn't know if she wanted to laugh, cry, or throw her chair across the room. She settled on asking, "Does this mean you agree with Deeks that this should be my last mission?"

"No, of course not. Not until you're ready."

"It might not matter. You obviously know about my phone call with Mosley; I probably don't have a job to come back to anyway."

"EAD Mosely will be fortunate if _she_ has a position with NCIS after her recent actions," Hetty said. "I'm sure your job, as well as Mr. Deeks', will be waiting for you when you are both recovered."

Kensi's face fell. "I doubt Deeks will want his back."

"Events like this tend to make us reconsider decisions made in the heat of the moment, Ms. Blye," Hetty said sagely. "I'll be going now. Ms. Jones filled your go-bag with several days' worth of clothes for you and something for Mr. Deeks to wear when he is discharged." She pointed to the bag on the floor and turned to leave. "Oh, I almost forgot. I thought you might like this as well," Hetty said as she reached into an inner jacket pocket and pulled out Kensi's engagement ring.

Now her face brightened like the diamonds on the ring as Kensi slid it back on her finger.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN** : You can assume the events of my last two fics, _Miles Between Us_ and _It Only Hurts When I Breathe_ , happened in this storyline.

I continue to be floored by the response to this story. I have loved hearing from reviewers about what you think, what strikes you, and what moves you, and I hope you keep sharing your opinions with me! Thanks also to everyone who has followed or favorited.

Next chapter will be up this weekend.

* * *

Kensi spent that night as she knew Deeks had passed many while she was in the VA: barely sleeping in an uncomfortable bedside hospital chair. She debated whether to let their mothers know they were back in LA. When she initially called them she had honestly told them that their location was classified. She'd only texted them brief updates since getting her phone yesterday and continued the ruse that they weren't in California. In addition to the fact that her team was still being cautious about the people who were after them, Kensi didn't think she could handle one or both of their mothers just yet. Despite Hetty's "promise" Kensi was giving serious thought to keeping their presence in LA from the moms until Deeks was awake and they had a better idea of his condition.

Her thoughts were never far from Deeks and the argument they'd had in the parking garage. Hetty was right, this turn of events was certainly making Kensi reconsider her perspective. She had been a fool to believe that compromising with Deeks equated to compromising herself. Kensi realized she'd been taking many things for granted lately, and both their argument and Deeks' injuries had opened her eyes to them.

As Kensi watched Deeks sleep she contemplated how close they had come to losing everything, and not just as a result of an RPG in Mexico. They had been, and might still be, on the verge of ending the best and most important relationship in their lives, and for what?

She had assumed that Deeks would just wait patiently for her to decide she was ready to have kids. That her desire to be a mother automatically trumped his wish to be a father. She'd occasionally heard the ticking of her biological clock, but it was still quiet enough to be easily drowned out by her love of her job and need to do more good in the world. Apparently Deeks' own biological clock, if there was such a thing for a man, was sounding much more loudly than hers. Didn't he have the right to know when his yearning for children might finally be fulfilled? Kensi was ashamed that she hadn't given Deeks as much thought as he deserved in this situation before now.

Despite the times he had mentioned wanting a safer line of work for himself, if not for both of them, Kensi also believed that Deeks would remain her partner until she was ready to leave NCIS with him. Until he brought her to the bar, Deeks had never so much as offered an example of anything else he might like to do for work. At least nothing she took seriously. And now all of a sudden it was staring her in the face as an imminent possibility. The prospect of having another partner wasn't one Kensi relished. Yes, she could do it, but she really didn't want to.

She recognized after their discussion in the bullpen exactly how much she wanted Deeks to remain her partner, and as she thought about it in the days since, she figured out why. Much like Kensi understood her own identity was grounded in being an NCIS agent, or at least in some profession that protected people, she came to realize their relationship had an equally strong foundation in their job. They met through work. They grew from partners to friends to lovers on the job. Risked their lives for and saved each other as a function of their careers. She'd never had a closer relationship with another person, and so much of theirs was based on what they did for a living.

Part of what attracted Deeks to her, Kensi believed, was her ability to kick ass. What was it he'd said as they were approaching that model's house? That Kensi was his kind of woman because she knew how to execute a power slide while firing a weapon. What would her appeal be if they worked at a bar together? Or if she held her own in a fight and he wasn't around to see it? Completely honest with herself now, Kensi was more than a little afraid that if they weren't working together at NCIS anymore, the foundation on which their relationship was built might begin to crumble.

Finally, what might have been Kensi's biggest mis-step was not fully appreciating the trauma Deeks had suffered with each of her near-death experiences. He'd told her, eventually, what he'd done to the cleric in Afghanistan after seeing a picture of what was supposed to be her corpse. He had tortured a man in anger because he believed she was dead. An act he had thought himself incapable of moments before and that weighed on him heavily to this day. And they hadn't even been a couple then.

Since they'd gotten together Kensi had been trapped under a helicopter in Syria, spent nearly a month in a coma, and then six more months coming back from her injuries. Not long after, she was taken hostage by a man who wanted to cut her leg off, but who she suspected would have been just as happy with her death. And last year she had gone on a solo suicide mission. Three times in the past two years she had come within a hair's breadth of dying and in one of those instances Deeks could do nothing but stand by and fear for her life.

Kensi had tried, after she was back on her feet literally and figuratively, to get Deeks to talk about what he'd gone through during her coma and recovery. She knew it couldn't have been easy for him. But he wouldn't share that with her, opting instead to minimize his own struggles. Most of what she'd learned, which wasn't much, she'd heard from their teammates. As a result, Kensi was left to equate Deeks' experiences with her own and base his emotional recovery on hers.

She had hugely underestimated.

She neglected to consider that trauma is cumulative and that despite the fact that she was at ground zero in all of these cases, Deeks was caught in the blast radius as well. She assumed that because she was able to tuck those events neatly behind her and ignore their memories and go on with their job as if nothing had happened most of the time that Deeks was as well. If she was over it and it happened to her, certainly he would be over it too, right?

But she had forgotten that fear for the one you love is more terrifying than fear for yourself. She was harshly reminded of that now. It would take her much longer to move beyond her recent fear of Deeks dying than it had ever taken her to get over her own brushes with death.

Yes, Kensi thought, she and Deeks would definitely have to talk soon. She just hoped the lessons she'd learned in the past forty-eight hours hadn't come too late.

* * *

Sam limped in early in the afternoon with the aid of a cane, coffee and a paper bag in his other hand. "You've got a choice," he started in a tone that, while friendly, made it clear he would brook no argument. "Yogurt and nuts, a couple of hard boiled eggs and a fruit cup, or we can get a pizza delivered."

Kensi shook her head, "I'm not really hungry."

"You need to listen better. Not eating wasn't one of your options." At Kensi's sigh, he continued, "Even Deeks ate the food we brought him when you were in the hospital. He also tried to tempt you into consciousness with it, so if you want to try that, pizza's probably your best bet."

"The yogurt," she said flatly.

Satisfied he didn't have to take this intervention to the next step, Sam pulled the cup out of the bag, along with a spoon, and handed them to her. Nodding to Deeks, he asked, "Any change?"

Kensi shook her head, "The doctor doesn't seem particularly worried yet. The bleeding stopped." She glanced at the clear plastic bulb dangling from the end of the catheter into which blood had been draining from his brain. She was relieved to see it was still empty. She looked up at her teammate, "How the hell did he do this for all the time I was in a coma?"

"With a little help," Sam said kindly. "Just like you will." He put a hand on her shoulder, "You know how to rely on your team in the field, Kensi. Don't forget to do it here."

"Thanks, Sam," Kensi said and turned her attention back to Deeks.

"Now eat that," he said pointedly, and made sure she opened and finished at least half of the yogurt before he tossed a small bag of mixed nuts on the tray table and told her she needed to eat them too. He left with a warning that she would be expected to have something more substantial at dinner time.

A few hours later Kensi was dozing with her head resting on the mattress, Deeks' hand still in hers, when she felt his fingers twitching. "Deeks?" she stood up and leaned over the bed, moving closer to his face. One hand remained clenched around Deeks' while the other brushed aside the hair covering his forehead.

Watching his eyes open and struggle to focus, Kensi said, "Deeks, can you hear me?" He blinked slowly a few times. "Baby, wake up. I'm here. You're okay."

Deeks' eyes scanned the room and his mouth opened and closed as if he was trying to speak. He pulled his hand from Kensi's and reached for his head. "Are you in pain? Deeks, can you tell me what's wrong? What do you need?"

His lips moved again but no sound came out, and Kensi noticed that he was swallowing repeatedly. "You're thirsty? Water…you want water?" He nodded gingerly and she pressed the call button that rested on his pillow. "Let me get a nurse and find out if you're allowed to have something to drink."

While they waited, Kensi gently pulled Deeks' hand from his head and kissed a path from his forehead to his cheek. Leaving her face close to his, she whispered, "You're in the hospital—we're back in LA. You've got a couple of incisions in your head, that's probably what hurts." She closed her eyes and tears fell onto his pillow, "God, Deeks, I love you. I'm so glad you're awake."

Kensi could feel Deeks' hands on her arms and thought he was trying to hug her. Instead he began pushing her away from him and her joy plummeted. Did he not recognize her? Or understand what she was saying? Could he even see her? All of the possible complications of a traumatic brain injury came rushing back to her in a wild panic. Then another thought struck Kensi: was he so mad at her that he didn't want her near him? She pulled back and regarded Deeks nervously.

He looked her up and down and then croaked out, "You good?"

Kensi's relief came out as a combined laugh and sob. The fact that Deeks' first thought was concern for her allayed most of her fears. "Yeah I'm good, baby. So are Callen and Sam. We were all just worried about you."

"Dying?"

"No, you're not dying. You don't see your mother here, do you?" she teased. She took his hand once more, not happy with the lack of physical connection.

A nurse, a nursing student, and doctor who Kensi recognized as a staff neurologist, but whose name she couldn't recall, walked in and allowed her to give Deeks some water. Able to speak more comfortably, he asked, "You sure you're okay? How's your ear?"

"Moderate but temporary hearing loss from a punctured eardrum. But it'll heal on its own, as will the mild concussion" she said, unconsciously touching her left ear. "I got the least of it. Sam and Callen are slightly more banged up." Kensi stepped back and nodded at the medical professionals, who began an evaluation of Deeks' condition.

Kensi smiled at Deeks identifying her as Fern when the doctor asked for her name as part of the assessment. She was concerned that he suffered some memory loss when he further described her as his fiancée, but the tightness in her chest loosened when he was able to tell the doctor that he'd been in a serious car accident and that he could remember the details but wasn't at liberty to share them due to national security. Kensi almost scoffed out loud at that.

The neurologist was pleased with Deeks' answers and his responses to stimuli and declared that, barring complications, he should make a full recovery. The two most worrisome threats included a recurrence of the bleeding in his brain and post-traumatic seizures. He hadn't had a seizure since the helicopter, but until he fully healed there was a heightened risk that he would have more. Fortunately, Deeks wouldn't need to remain in the hospital for more than another day or so, assuming his recovery continued on its current course.

The doctor wanted Deeks up and walking as soon as possible, and ordered the removal of his urinary catheter. After the neurologist left, the nurse asked Kensi for privacy for the simple procedure. She gave Deeks a quick kiss and promised she wouldn't go far as she left the room.

While the nurse gathered her supplies Deeks worried about what the doctor had said. Not about his prognosis, but what the next few weeks would bring. Or more specifically, what they wouldn't bring. Because of the subdural hematoma, Deeks was forbidden to do anything that was likely to raise his blood pressure too high. Which meant he and Kensi would have to postpone any discussion and decisions about their future. The last one, in the garage at work, had been extremely stressful, and Deeks knew that if the veins in his brain had been in a weakened state then, he probably would have had a stroke. Another conversation like that right now could, at least, cause another seizure or a recurrence of intracranial bleeding.

Add to that the fact that they had both suffered concussions and would have to follow a concussion protocol for at least a week. Which meant they couldn't simply avoid thinking or talking about the biggest issue in their lives by watching copious amounts of television or mindlessly surfing the internet since screen time had to be limited. Surfing of the more traditional and pleasurable variety was off the table too because he couldn't risk knocks to his head that could trigger more bleeding in his brain.

Deeks let out a frustrated breath and tried to ignore the fact that the nurse was describing the somewhat humiliating procedure to the student as she worked. He would have to talk to Kensi about the fact that they couldn't talk about their future just yet, but that it was obviously something that would need to be addressed as soon as possible.

On the plus side, potentially, the neurologist had assured them that as long as it wasn't overly vigorous, sex was permissible when Deeks felt up to it. Of course with their relationship in a sort of holding pattern until they resolved their issues, he didn't know if they would be in the mood. And even if they were, he didn't know how wise it would be to continue with the physical aspect of their relationship when the emotional side was in shambles.

Kensi took the opportunity to find a quiet place to call Deeks' mother and then her own to fill them in on his condition. They were overjoyed to hear he was awake and appeared to suffer no ill-effects. She fudged a little when Roberta asked when they would be back in LA, anxious to see for herself that her son was alright. Kensi decided they could use a day to themselves to get comfortable with each other again before being descended upon by their mothers, who were sure to pick up on the tension between them.

As much as she might hope things could just go back to the way they used to be once they were home, Kensi knew they wouldn't. There was no chance of returning to normal until they talked about their argument and could come to a decision about their future; and Kensi was afraid of what the outcome might be. "Normal" was by no means a guarantee, she knew. They had agreed, that night in the motel in Mexico, that they would talk when they got home. But now that wouldn't happen for another couple of weeks, and Kensi wondered what it would be like between them in the meantime.

* * *

Deeks slept for several hours, and Kensi texted everyone on the team before nodding off in her chair periodically. Soon after his dinner tray was delivered, Deeks awoke from the aroma of the food. Callen, Sam, Nell, and Eric walked in just as Deeks was trying to convince Kensi to get something from the cafeteria, bags in hand, with meals for themselves and for Kensi as well. They enjoyed talking about anything but Mosley and their recent mission while they ate.

Later, alone and awake together for the first time since he regained consciousness, an awkwardness settled over the couple. Even though they couldn't talk about the elephant in the room, Kensi wanted to at least clear up what she safely could and was trying to figure out what to say when Deeks spoke.

"Kensi, listen, I…I know we said we would finish our…talk—"

"You mean argument?"

"Whatever you want to call it, we said we'd address it as soon as we got home—"

"But we probably shouldn't if you need to stay calm."

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

Kensi shook her head, "Don't be. Your health is more important. But I do want to apologize now, if that's alright." When Deeks didn't seem inclined to disagree, she continued, "I'm so sorry I walked away from you in the garage. I shouldn't have. And you need to know I wasn't trying to tell you that I don't want children. I do want them with you one day." She stopped herself there, knowing they were bordering on dangerous territory.

"You sure?"

"Yes, I promise. Ever since we've been on the same page about kids, that hasn't changed. I just want you to remember that for the next few weeks, okay?"

"I will. And I'm sorry if I made it sound like I was giving you an ultimatum. I wasn't. I didn't mean that if you don't leave the job that I would leave you. I don't ever want to leave, and I do want us to be married one day."

"Really?" Kensi's eyes took on the sheen of tears of relief

"I promise." He blinked to clear the moisture in his own eyes. "So we agree that we want to be married and have children," he paused and qualified, "one day. I guess all we have to do now is figure out how to get there." he said, taking Kensi's hand and sounding much more confident than when they were in Mexico.

"We'll do that once you're better, okay?"

He nodded and grinned, "God knows we don't need my brains oozing out of my head while we try to make major life decisions."

"Yeah, no, that would be bad," she leaned close and kissed him gently, thankful that he was alive and would make a complete recovery. Pulling away, she said, "Despite it landing you in the hospital with two extra holes in your head, I'm really glad you came with us to Mexico. You're the reason we got Derrick back. A fact I made sure to point out to Mosley, by the way."

"Yeah? I would have loved to have seen that."

"Heard, she was on the phone. Apparently she's taking some time off to spend with her son. Hetty thinks she might not be coming back."

"Her choice or NCIS's?" Deeks was curious.

"Either? Both? Who knows," she shrugged. "And I realize this is skating right on the edge of what we really shouldn't be discussing now, but Hetty told me she doesn't think you're really out of a job with us."

"Kens…"

"No, I know, and I'm not trying to persuade you or anything. But you should be aware that NCIS is probably still an option for you. Because I know that even though we can't talk about it just yet, we'll both be thinking about it plenty."

"We need to find some other things to think about. And talk about. And do," Deeks observed. "And you'll need to be super nice to me so you don't stress me out and make my brain bleed again or give me seizures. So that means no nagging me about my taste in music, or being OCD as you like to call it but that anyone else would just say is being appropriately tidy, or watching slow TV," he said with a smirk.

Deeks' first comments, spoken without an accompanying lecherous grin, suggested to Kensi that sex was off the table during that time as far as he was concerned. She'd have to see what she could do about that, worried that if they weren't connecting on some level, they would drift further apart than they already were. Despite the fact that they were on more steady footing now, their relationship had been shaken by what they'd said in the garage and the pain those words caused. She was anxious to do whatever she could to close the gap between them.

Kensi nodded her acceptance of the other limitations but grinned back, "I won't nag you about those ridiculous shows because you won't be able to watch TV for hours on end. You heard the doctor; you have to limit your screen time because of the concussion."

"Right. And since you have a concussion too, I guess that means no binge-watching _Top Model_ either. But I'm sure we'll find something to fill two or more weeks of at-home time that doesn't include anything that would jar my head or raise my blood pressure."

It would have been the perfect time to make some final decisions about the wedding, Kensi thought. Even though Deeks referred to her as his fiancée earlier and clarified that he still wanted to marry her _one day_ , she understood that didn't mean they were ready to continue with wedding planning just yet. "We could always work on cooking," she said instead.

"As long as we move the fire extinguisher closer to the kitchen, I'm game. Plus there's still the beach; we can play catch with Monty, or just take turns between reading and napping."

"We can go on walks instead of running; or we can ride our bikes as long as we're on a path and wearing helmets."

"Kensi," he whined, "I'll get helmet hair."

She grimaced. "Babe, I hate to tell you this, but a helmet might be an improvement for a while."

He put his hand to his head and felt around carefully. "That bad?"

"Nothing that won't grow back," she assured him. "And who knows, once the bandages come off, maybe we can do some…tactical finger-combing and it won't be so obvious."

"Guess I should consider myself lucky that they didn't shave it all off, yeah?"

"Even if you woke up as bald as Sam, what's important is that you woke up, and that you're going to make a full recovery." She kissed him. "I love you Deeks, and I don't want to know what I would do without you." Her words held multiple meanings: she couldn't imagine her life without him as her partner, her fiancé, hopefully one day her husband, and in her life in general. Kensi held Deeks' eyes so that he understood she intended all of them.

Deeks got the message and tried to assure her as best as he could, "I love you too, Kensi. I'm here and I'm good. And I have faith that we'll figure out the rest."


	4. Chapter 4

**AN** : Oops, forgot to mention this previously: I don't own NCIS: Los Angeles or any characters you recognize and I'm not making any money doing this. Also in case you haven't figured it out yet, spoilers for the Season 10 premiere were referenced in the first chapter, but none really since then. Anything that's aired already in the US is fair game.

Thanks again for all of the faves and follows. An extra special thank-you to everyone who has reviewed. Your comments truly make my day! I hope you enjoy this little foray into day-to-day Densi as Deeks continues to recover. Next chapter should be expected mid-week.

* * *

Their first night home from the hospital was much like the night they'd spent in the motel in Mexico: tense. Kensi helped Deeks settle into bed before heading to the bathroom. Now he waited for her to finish and join him.

"Hey," she said from the doorway of the en suite.

"Hey," he said in the same guarded tone. While they were still in the hospital, things had been as close to normal as they'd been before their argument. Deeks supposed they'd been too focused on his needs and recovery to think much about the disquiet between them. But since arriving home this morning, their interactions had grown increasingly…strained.

"You, uh, want me to sleep in the other room? In case you need space to get comfortable…you know, with your foot?"

Deeks studied Kensi as best he could in the dim light of her nightstand lamp. Her own foot was trailing along the hardwood floor in an idle pattern that seemed to fascinate her, as it drew all her attention. She didn't meet his eyes, and looked impossibly young to him, despite the feeling that they'd both aged ten years in the past week.

He recalled how he'd foisted this same decision on Kensi in Mexico when she'd given him the option to sleep alone then too. She had admitted she didn't want to, which was a comfort to him. But it hadn't lessened the uneasiness between them, and they both had trouble falling asleep until she had somewhat cautiously curled up against him. Deeks' memory of how natural it was to have Kensi in his arms, how _right_ it felt that night, prompted his answer. "No. No, I don't think you need to do that."

"Okay," she said and headed toward the bed.

Deeks heard the quiet sigh Kensi released and hoped it was from relief and not dread.

Kensi stopped at what had become "her" side, the left, as much as she hated to admit she slept better there. "Maybe we should switch sides? I wouldn't want to kick your ankle accidentally."

He smiled, "You'll do anything to get back on this side of the bed, won't you?"

She returned the grin, "No. I just don't want to hurt you, Deeks."

He looked down at his right foot, propped on a couple of pillows near the middle of the bed. Kensi was right; if she turned toward him during the night and ran her leg against his, which wasn't at all uncommon, she probably would jar his ankle.

Kensi must have recognized the instant he came to the same conclusion, since she reached under the covers and across the bed for the pillows supporting his foot. "Up," she said. When he lifted his leg, she pulled the cushions out and slid them to the other side of the bed. Looking at him expectantly she asked, "You think you can scoot over or do you need me to help you get up and come around the bed?"

"Neither, if you would put my crutches where I could get to them on my own," he grumbled, but there was no anger in his words. She'd done this all day; as soon as he settled down somewhere, the couch, the dining room table, the back yard, she moved them away from him.

Kensi walked around the bed and handed him the pair of crutches. "Deeks, if you have another seizure while you're using them, you could fall and hit your head. We can't risk that. You were very lucky that your TBI was mild. But you heard the doctor, head trauma is cumulative and any additional blows to your head right now could make your situation much worse."

"Yeah, I know. But he also said the chances of me having a seizure are low—" she followed him as Deeks made his way around the bed with the metal and rubber implements under his arms.

"And yet much higher for the next several weeks than had you not had the one in the helicopter." Kensi stood in front of him after he sat himself on the edge of the mattress, waiting for him to release his crutches to her. When he showed no sign of doing so, she said, "Please, Deeks. Don't fight me on this."

Seeing the fear in her eyes, he let them go and Kensi immediately took them with her as she moved to the other side of the room. He watched her prop them against the wall when a thought struck him. "You'd have had to leave them with me if I wanted to sleep alone tonight," he pointed out.

Watching her work through that as she laid down, Deeks turned off the lamp and settled himself under the covers as well. They kept inches between them again, unlike nearly every other night since they started sharing a bed, when one or both of them would reach out a hand or leg seeking the physical connection they both craved. He wondered if Kensi was simply ignoring him because she'd decided he was right, but then she spoke.

"I probably would have slept on the floor, then," she said.

"Kens…" he started, but didn't know what he wanted to say.

"I shouldn't have offered to go into the other room now that I think about it."

In the darkness, Deeks felt her body shift. Looking at her, he saw Kensi had turned onto her side toward him, her head propped up on her hand. It was on the tip of his tongue to make a joke about her wanting to keep him in bed, but he fought the impulse. They weren't there yet. "Oh?" was all he said instead.

"We need to know if you have a nocturnal seizure," she explained.

"What? Baby, you can't stay up all night!"

"It's not like I'll be able to sleep anyway, worried about you having another seizure or brain bleed, or that you'd trip and fall using your crutches in the dark."

"You planning to keep this up for the next few weeks? You have to sleep sometime, you know."

"That's already taken care of," she said in a tone that immediately made Deeks suspicious.

"I have a feeling I'm not going to like whatever you have in mind."

"You still trust me?" Kensi sounded slightly unsure.

"Of course," he said quickly.

"Then believe me when I say I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you make a full recovery with no complications."

"Oh, I'm definitely not going to like this, am I?"

"Go to sleep Deeks. You need your rest," she said, not answering his question.

Quite some time later, he was still wide awake and certain Kensi was too. "Well this is awkward," Deeks said softly into the night.

"What? Do you need to pee? Are you in pain?" she responded immediately.

"No. I was talking about this," he used a hand to indicate the space, both literal and figurative, between them.

"Yeah," Kensi agreed sadly, turning to her side again. "I wish—" she stopped abruptly.

"Go ahead," Deeks encouraged.

"I wish we could just forget about what we said in the garage. Go back to the way things were."

He reached for the pillow under his foot and repositioned it so he could shift onto his side as well. Facing Kensi, he said, "Do you really think that's a good idea, even if it was possible?"

She sighed, "No, probably not."

"Kens, we need to have that talk, and we will once my brain is less of a ticking bomb."

She grimaced at his choice of words and ducked her head. Deeks moved a lock of her hair out of the way so he could see her again. He left his hand on the side of her neck and said, "But do we always have to be so uneasy with each other until then, especially in here?"

"What do you mean?"

"We can't ignore it or forget about what we said, or what we still need to figure out, but maybe we can just put it away for a little while when we come to bed? Kind of like not going to sleep angry."

"Except the whole point of not going to bed angry is to resolve the issue before it gets worse."

"Well, yeah. But we don't really have that option at the moment. And obviously we don't want it to get worse, and we're walking on eggshells around one another so it doesn't. And so far that's been okay. Not great, clearly, but we've managed so far. It's just that…I hate that we're laying here next to one another and we're not comfortable enough for a simple touch." He rubbed his thumb against her cheek.

"Me too," she said, placing her hand atop his.

"I don't want you to ask permission to curl up next to me when we both know we'll sleep better that way. I don't want to be afraid that if I reach for you in the middle of the night that you'll pull away because we don't think we should be touching each other. Can we maybe leave all the ambiguity and uncertainty and awkwardness on the other side of the door when we come to bed?"

Kensi's response was to slide over and burrow as close to Deeks as she could. She nuzzled her face into his chest, lightly kissing the skin just above the vee of his t-shirt. Deeks wound his arms around her and enjoyed the sensation. He breathed in the scent of her and breathed out the pain and stress of the past week.

* * *

"You know you don't need to use an actual timer, right?" Deeks said as Kensi approached him with an icepack.

She wrapped it around his ankle and set her phone to alert in twenty minutes. "Just following doctor's orders."

"I think they were more like suggestions, you know, to be used if needed. Not sure the intent was to be so militant about it."

"RICE is more than a suggestion Deeks. It's the best way to reduce the pain and inflammation and keep you from injuring it further. Good old rest, ice, compression, and elevation are the keys to an uncomplicated recovery," Kensi said as she switched out the pillow between his foot and the coffee table it was currently laying on. She crouched down to study the bruising, using the gentlest of touches to assess the swelling. Apparently satisfied, she sat on the couch on the other side of Monty.

"Kens, it's only a sprained ankle," he reminded her.

"Sprains can hurt just as much as fractures and breaks, and since you can't take Advil because of the increased risk of bleeding, we need to make sure you don't have any more pain than necessary."

"I've been taking Tylenol regularly. Correction, you've been bringing it to me every four hours on the dot and I've been swallowing it without complaint like the good patient that I am."

"We both know it hasn't been helping as much as Advil would, especially with the swelling." When Deeks opened his mouth to argue, Kensi warned, "Don't even try to tell me it doesn't still hurt."

He stayed silent. The truth was that his ankle throbbed when he tried to bear a little weight on it in the shower. Out of habit, Deeks ran his hand through his hair, still somewhat surprised to find the bald spots.

Kensi must have caught his unintentional frown, because she was off the couch and leaning over him checking his pupils before she was done asking, "Do you have a headache? Do you feel okay?"

"Relax, I'm fine—I'm good, sorry. No pain, no dizziness, no auras or funny tastes or smells. I'm good. Really. I just forgot about the new 'do for a second there." After being home for three days, Deeks was no longer surprised by this reaction any time he demonstrated anything remotely like something that could possibly be considered, in this reality or any other, a sign that he was about to have a seizure or that he was suffering from another brain bleed.

"Kens, I'm supposed to be keeping my blood pressure within normal limits," he reminded her gently and not for the first time. "You jumping in my face whenever I put a hand to my head, while understandable, and really, really sweet, is going to get old really, really fast. Can you try to…tone down the ninja act just a little bit?"

"Sorry," she said quickly, drawing back and removing her hands from his thighs as if she just remembered she didn't have the freedom to touch him any time she wanted. True to their agreement, Kensi and Deeks shed their discomfort when they fell into bed at night. That time together was the closest they came to "the way things were," and it felt wonderful. But they remained overly conciliatory in their daily waking interactions and the strain between them, while waxing and waning during the day, still hung heavy over them.

Deeks let out a sigh. "Please don't be," he held out his hand. Kensi took it and he guided her to return to her seat on the couch. Monty was still between them, so Deeks laid their joined hands on the dog. Their fur-baby shifted with a sigh of his own less than a minute later, causing their hands to separate. But when Kensi and Deeks began mindlessly stroking his flank, neither one seemed bothered when their hands would occasionally touch or slide over the other's.

* * *

"With all this time at home together, I guess you and Kensi will be just about done with the plans for the wedding when you go back to work," Roberta said as she put an omelet on the table in front of him.

Deeks smiled, but not in response to his mother's words. He'd just won a bet with Kensi. It took six days for Mama to finally break down and mention the wedding. Kensi was convinced his mother would be able to hold out for a full week, especially since she had emphasized to the woman that Deeks needed to remain calm during her visits and that wedding planning, given how inherently stressful it was, was not on the list of approved topics of conversation.

"Mama, I know Kensi told you we can't spend hours poring over those fantastic binders you prepared for us. We're both following a concussion protocol, which means we have to limit how much we read." They also had no intention of telling their mothers that the status of the wedding, as well as their relationship, was currently unknown.

"Have you at least settled on a honeymoon destination yet? Or finally picked the date?"

He shook his head as he finished chewing and swallowing a mouthful of eggs. "Need the computer for that, and screen time has to be minimal too."

"Well then what on earth do the two of you do all day?" she asked in a huff. Roberta's face lit up as she sat at the table with Deeks. "Oh! I know! You two are working on my first grandchild! So glad Kensi took it to heart when I reminded her there's nothing wrong with the baby coming before the wedding."

"Mom!" Deeks was proud of himself for not flinching like he'd been punched. The good thing about having his mother here was that she typically kept his mind off his troubles with stories of her day to day life and those of her many friends. Clearly his luck had run out today.

"What? You're a grown man and you live with your beautiful fiancée, you think I don't know you have sex?"

"That doesn't mean we have to talk about it."

"There's nothing to be embarrassed about, Martin. We're both adults. You know all about my relationship with Guy."

"Against my will. And those are pictures you put in my head that I will never be able to scrub out."

"Since when did you become such a prude?"

"Since I met my mother's latest boyfriend for the first time while he was wearing nothing but his boxers and had clearly just come out of the shower with said mother." Deeks put his head in his hand. "Another image I can never un-see, thank you very much."

When the doorbell rang, Deeks muttered, "Thank God," and stood to answer it.

"No, you stay right there, Kensi will have my head on a platter if I let you walk around."

"Even Kensi lets me walk to the door all by myself," he lied and walked away from the table with barely a limp. The truth was even though he was allowed to walk short distances without his crutches now, Kensi still didn't let him do anything as dangerous as walking to the curb to get the mail.

On the other side of the door he was surprised to find Kensi's mother. "Julia," he said when he opened it. He stepped back to allow her entry and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "What are you doing here?"

"Isn't today my day? I thought we were switching some of the days this week. I texted Kensi to let her know I was running late, she didn't respond to say I shouldn't come."

"Julia! It's good to see you." Roberta joined them and greeted her friend warmly. "Come sit, I'll whip you up a quick omelet."

"That would be lovely, Roberta. Thanks so much. No point in heading back right now, is there?"

"You should stay all morning if you have nowhere else to be. Maybe we can give this one," she jerked a thumb toward her son, "some advice on what _not_ to do in a marriage."

"That sounds just fantastic," Deeks said to Roberta in a tone he hoped she caught. "Kensi's phone is on mute, I'm sure she didn't see your message," he explained to Julia. This had been Kensi's master plan; she stayed up all night keeping watch over him in case he had a seizure or needed anything, and their mothers took turns babysitting him for several hours every morning so she could sleep.

Returning to the table with Julia while his mother started on another serving of breakfast, Deeks tried to think of a polite way to get one of the ladies to leave. Each of them alone, while well-intentioned, could be a handful. Together, they were formidable, especially against one of him. He wasn't above pulling a Kensi and kicking them both out if worse came to worst, but if Kensi woke later to find him by himself, she'd have more than Deeks' head on a platter.

Considering he had gone to work the day he knew Kensi would be alone with both moms shortly after she'd come home from the VA, he figured he'd get no sympathy, or help, from her. In fact, he could hear her voice in his head now, her response quick when he was finished whining to her about this later: _Payback's a bitch._

Deeks wondered if it would be worth it to try to fake a seizure.

* * *

"How is it that your father, action star Don Blye, who could do literally anything, taught you everything _but_ how to cook?" Deeks said playfully as he followed a video tutorial on their tablet demonstrating the proper way to cut up a whole chicken.

Kensi, standing next to him at the kitchen island, continued chopping vegetables. "When we went camping he taught me how to hunt and trap small animals, prepare them, make a fire, and cook them over that fire. I'm sorry if my lessons didn't extend to haute cuisine."

"Basic herb-roasted chicken and vegetables is not what anyone would call haute anything," he pointed out.

"So why don't you already know how to cook, then? Only child of a single mother, how did Mama not teach you or why didn't you figure it out on your own?"

"The answer is in your question. Single moms don't have a lot of time to show their sons the difference between sautéing, roasting, and broiling."

"Which we now know, thanks to the internet. I can't believe you wouldn't have taught yourself though," Kensi said sincerely.

"Cooking was not on teenage Marty's short list of things to do on a daily basis. Not when there were waves to be ridden, girls to be kissed, and part-time jobs to be had."

"To make the money to buy your sex wax and impress the girls," Kensi added with a smile.

"You got that right," he confirmed. He placed the chicken parts on the already lined half-sheet pan and washed and dried his hands. "You want to," he checked another tab on the screen, "brush the chicken with olive oil or sprinkle the herbs?"

"By the time you finish with the oil I should be done with the veggies," Kensi said as she arranged them on another baking sheet. "I'll take care of the sprinkling on the chicken and then we can switch off for the vegetables?"

"I always did admire that brilliant mind of yours," Deeks said.

Kensi stuck her tongue out and he chuckled. Even though she hadn't been completely serious when she initially suggested they could work on their culinary skills, it was one of the more enjoyable ways they passed the time. Deeks shouldn't have been surprised by how well they worked together in the kitchen, easily learning and responding to each other's newfound strengths and weaknesses. They laughed a lot and connected in a different way. It strengthened Deeks' faith that they would ultimately work through the current issues in their relationship.

Their fun in the kitchen almost made up for the fact that Kensi's mother-hen act got even worse once Deeks was cleared to lose the crutches. Her sniper training served her well as she watched his every move and followed him everywhere, including the bathroom when he took a shower. With every passing day, Deeks' chances of having another seizure or a recurrence of the subdural hematoma decreased a little more, but he couldn't convince Kensi of that. She continued to be alert for the subtlest of signs or symptoms that might indicate something was going wrong in his brain. In the kitchen, though, Kensi could keep an eye on him while they each worked on their individual tasks, so it was the best of both worlds.

While he knew she was acting out of love and concern, it drove Deeks more than a little nutty. But he understood. He thought more than once while Kensi was in the VA that he was glad he wasn't there every time she tried something new in rehab. As much as he would have loved to have seen her take her first steps by herself, he could admit he would have been a nervous wreck and would have wanted to be as close as he could in case she started to falter.

If they hadn't been in this sometimes awkward, sometimes painful, sometimes difficult no-man's land in their relationship, Deeks would have teased her about trying to return the favor of all the help he provided when she was recovering from the helicopter crash. Or playfully accused her of trying to assuage her guilt for not getting them out of the way of an RPG fast enough. He tucked them away for later use, though.

* * *

Their time at the beach, where they went most evenings after dinner, was also among Deeks' favorite. They were sure to go to a different location each night and based the choice on which dessert truck would be nearby. Since Deeks wasn't allowed to surf, they typically sat for a while, walked together, and played fetch with Monty.

The first time they went, Deeks had thought they would have difficulty finding things to talk about or that the silence would be uncomfortable, but that wasn't the case. They made a game out of picking people from the groups of fellow beach-goers and guessing what they did for a living, sometimes coming up with convoluted and entertaining backstories for them, including what kind of crimes they might commit.

They would occasionally put their undercover skills to use and actually approach some of their targets to find out if either of them had been correct in their guesses about people's careers, at least.

By the second week, Kensi started relaxing enough to doze off while Deeks played with the dog. The hypnotizing sound of the rolling surf combined with her insufficient sleep since they returned home and the fact that Monty and plenty of other people were around and would certainly cause a fuss that would wake her if something happened to Deeks seemed to do the trick.

Soon after she woke from her nap tonight, Kensi went for dessert while Deeks scanned the beach for an unknowing participant in their little game. Returning with waffles on sticks that were slathered with Nutella and rolled in nuts, Kensi handed one off to Deeks and he gave her a pair of binoculars. He pointed out the subject to her and sat back to eat his dessert. He watched Kensi as she held the glasses to her eyes with one hand and kept the messy waffle going back and forth to her mouth with the other. Between bites, she occasionally spoke.

"Look at that skin tone. He definitely works inside," she said confidently after several seconds of studying the man Deeks had selected as he played frisbee with a boy of about ten. "And he doesn't come to the beach often. You can tell by the way he flinches every time he steps on something that isn't sand."

About a minute passed before Kensi looked at Deeks and declared, "Newly divorced, only gets the son every other weekend."

"And from what kind of job is his ex likely getting half his paycheck?" Deeks asked.

She squinted at the guy, unaided this time. "Some kind of manager, probably at a store. He doesn't have the physique of someone who sits all day, so nothing boring like a lawyer or an office drone," she said with a grin.

Deeks took the binoculars back and appraised the stranger again, "Um…nope. No bet, I think you're right."

"Ha! My turn," Kensi said as she began to peruse the shore for their next mark.

Admiring Kensi's beauty and competitiveness while she was distracted, Deeks knew this was the type of pastime, just like cooking, that could be a regular part of their lives post-NCIS. He hoped Kensi appreciated that their future could be full of moments like these.

Though the days still had their awkward moments, Deeks found himself grateful for this medically-imposed pause in their lives. Getting back to basics like this was a great way to spend their time until they could determine what their lives would look like going forward.

He and Kensi hadn't had a traditional beginning, had never really dated like most couples. The past few weeks seemed almost like they were getting to know each other for the first time; feeling each other out, looking for common interests, trying new things together. The fact that they could still, despite the restrictions on what they could do and discuss, enjoy each other's company and want to spend much of their days together, gave Deeks confidence that they would be able to figure things out when the time came.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN** : Here it is, what they've had to put off for weeks—the talk! Can Kensi and Deeks come to an agreement that will make them both happy? If you know anything about me you know the answer to that question, but I hope you enjoy how it unfolds.

Speaking of, I've loved hearing from those of you gracious enough to leave a review. Can't wait to hear what you think of this.

* * *

"I can't believe you actually asked Dr. Licari for medical clearance to have an argument with your fiancée," Kensi said as she got behind the steering wheel of her car.

"And did you notice he didn't so much as blink in surprise? Clearly the man is in a long-term relationship and understood where I was coming from." Deeks buckled his seatbelt and put on his sunglasses.

"You really think we're going to argue?" she said quietly. "I thought we both wanted the same things. Isn't that what we said at the hospital?"

He took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, "Yeah, no. No, baby, I don't think we're going to argue about it. At least not like last time. But I thought a joking question like that would be better than asking if it was okay to have a difficult and possibly life-altering discussion."

Kensi gave a small smile, but said nothing in response.

"I don't want this hanging over our heads anymore," Deeks pushed. "Let's sit down and talk as soon as we get home, yeah?"

Deeks was anxious to come to some sort of resolution with Kensi. Her assurances at the hospital that she still wanted to have children had gone a long way toward calming his fear that they wouldn't be able to work things out. But if Deeks was completely honest with himself, there was a small part of him that worried Kensi had only said it because she hadn't wanted to upset him when he was medically fragile.

They'd spent the past two-and-a-half weeks successfully avoiding anything that would significantly raise Deeks' blood pressure, including talking about the future of their relationship and partnership. Kensi had followed all of his doctors' orders to a T. As a result, Deeks had had no recurrence of seizure activity or brain bleeding, and was healing nicely, according to the doctor today. Kensi's last visit with the ENT yesterday showed her hearing improving, but still not back to normal.

Of all the activities they'd found to fill their time, they'd only had sex once. Kensi had persuaded Deeks, not that too much effort was needed on her part, but he regretted it afterward. The act had relieved some of the physical tension that had been building between them. But they hadn't connected the way Deeks had hoped. Instead of countering the uncertainty that was ever-present between them, it seemed to magnify it. Rather than reassuring them they would be alright, it felt desperate, as if it might be the last time. They'd needed to make love, but it was just sex in the end. Deeks suspected Kensi had felt the same, as she made no further attempts at seduction.

Despite her reminder to Deeks that they shared the same goals, Kensi had been feeling less confident of his willingness to stay with and marry her once they had their discussion. She recognized that the readiness she'd had to quit her job was dwindling as time faded the intensity of her fear for his safety. In fact, it seemed to be inverse to her increasing desire to return to work.

Kensi had felt most relaxed and happy when they were at the beach lately, so she suggested they talk there instead and Deeks quickly agreed. They'd spent so much time on various shores during their recuperation that they kept towels, folding chairs, an umbrella, sunscreen and a cooler waiting to be filled in the back of the Audi. Stopping at a convenience store for ice, water, and snacks, they headed to one of their favorite locations.

Kensi was just finishing setting up their little home-away-from-home when Deeks returned from a truck with lunch. They ate as they played a round of their usual beach game, but their hearts weren't in it with the specter of the talk ahead of them never far from their minds. When Kensi came back from tossing their trash, Deeks asked, "Heads or tails?"

"Huh?"

He pulled a coin from the pocket of his shorts and flipped it, caught it, and slapped it on the back of his other hand, keeping it covered. He repeated, "Heads or tails."

Still confused but willing to play along, Kensi said, "Tails?"

She sat down facing him, legs stretched alongside his. Deeks removed his hand, revealing that she had guessed correctly. "You start," he prompted.

Her brows furrowed but her lips turned up in a small smile. "Start what?"

"We've been more awkward with each other since we decided to have 'The Talk,'" he used air quotes and changed his tone to emphasize the words. "I figured this was as good a way as any to get the ball rolling." He indicated the coin, "You get to start."

Kensi's mouth opened and then immediately closed. She had no idea what to say. She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them as if to protect herself. Weeks of thinking about what she wanted and needed to tell him, to ask him, and now that the time was here, she was struck mute. And more than a little nervous. Deciding to begin where she was comfortable, she said, "I love you, Deeks. And I want us to work this out."

He nodded, "So do I. To both of those things. But why do I sense there's a 'but' coming?"

"There isn't. I just don't know where to begin, you know? We said so many things that night, and nothing's been the same since, and I just want us to go back to the way things were."

"So you've said before. But I don't think that's possible, Kensi. Or smart. The way we were was apparently on two separate tracks for the future, and I don't want that. I'm hoping we can get ourselves back on the same page today, to mix my metaphors. And that might not look like what either of us was thinking before we had that argument. Is that cool with you?"

It took her a few beats to respond, "Honestly? It's going to depend on what we come up with, I think."

It wasn't the answer he'd been hoping for, but if Deeks was being truthful, he felt the same. He'd realized in the past few weeks that some things might be deal breakers for him. He just hoped it wouldn't come to that. "Okay then, let's figure out what works for both of us," he smiled encouragingly.

Seeing that Deeks still intended for her to start the actual conversation, Kensi decided to go for broke. "Are you planning to come back to work?" she said as quickly as she could get the words out. To Kensi's mind, so much hinged on the answer to this question that it had to be asked first.

"Would you blame me if I didn't?"

She was taken slightly aback. "No, of course not. Especially not after the way Mosley fired you. But you do have your job back. If you want it."

They'd been assured by Hetty soon after Deeks woke that the EAD had not filed Deeks' termination paperwork and had no intention of doing so after his part in rescuing her son. A few days later Mosley herself called and told Deeks that as far as she was concerned, their altercation in the boatshed never happened and she expected him back at work once he was medically cleared. Deeks supposed that was the closest thing he would get to an apology from the woman.

In one of their visits to the house, Nell and Eric told them that Mosley's actions were "under review" by SecNav and it was possible that, as Hetty predicted, the EAD might no longer be at OSP when they returned from their medical leaves. Kensi suspected that what Mosley had spun as taking time off to spend with her son was in fact a suspension. She wondered if reaching out to Deeks had been for the sole purpose of making herself look better to SecNav.

Deeks sighed. He wished it didn't all come down to the job for Kensi. He understood it, and her, but maybe just this once hoped he could come first. He held her eyes for several moments before saying, "I'm serious about leaving. Though the timing will probably depend on the outcome today. I need to know if you understand and accept that."

He could see the disappointment in her eyes. But he also saw the truth when she said, "I do." She swallowed and glanced away and back again before continuing, "But I don't think I could quit with you if you decide to leave now, Deeks. Is that something you can accept and understand?"

He smiled softly. "I don't want to not have your back, partner." Deeks had thought long and hard about this in the past weeks. As much as he wanted to be out of the line of fire, he couldn't stand the thought of Kensi being in the field routinely without him. He didn't think he could handle the worry. "But I can't do this indefinitely anymore. Fixing up the bar will be a full-time job, but it's not one I can do. I'm willing to stay with LAPD and NCIS until it's ready to open and then ride off into the sunset. Or the subtly but handsomely lit backbar."

She let out a sigh. "How long do you think that will take?"

"Ideally, three months. Realistically, six to nine. Think you can be ready to leave by then?" He knew he was pushing his luck with the question, since this was the very topic that had escalated their talk in the garage from a discussion to an argument. But it was important to Deeks that he pin Kensi down to some sort of timeline, or he feared she would never leave the job. And that, he realized over the course of too many recent restless nights, was a line in the sand for him.

"You know," she grimaced, "when you asked me about this the last time, you were offering me a year or two. I think I even remember a five-year term being mentioned at one point."

Deeks shifted closer and took her hand. "Kensi, for the sake of my sanity and in an effort not to compromise myself, I need to be honest and very clear about this. Five years is too long for me to put off the next part of our life. The best part of our life, if I have anything to say about it." He tried very hard not to make it sound like an ultimatum. But the longer they waited, the less likely their dreams were to come true, Deeks was sure.

She dropped her head. "I get that, I do." Kensi knew his reasoning was sound. In five years she would be over forty, making pregnancy riskier if she could conceive at all. Not to mention five more years' worth of putting her life on the line on a regular basis decreased the chances she'd live to see her fortieth birthday.

Trusting her partner, Kensi gave him the only answer she had. The one she had been struggling to overcome since the topic of leaving first started occasionally coming up, and the only one that hadn't become any clearer despite all the soul-searching she'd done since he nearly died. "Deeks, I want the life we've talked about. So, so much. And I've thought about it more than you know. Every time I picture myself being married to you, being a mother to our kids, I can see it all so clearly. But the one thing I can't envision is what I would be doing for a living. I don't see myself in my tactical gear while nursing our babies, but I don't see anything else either. Whenever I try to imagine myself doing something else it rings false, and feels useless and impotent. I can't get beyond that, and I feel like I have to know what that part will look like before I can commit to leaving NCIS. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, baby. This is what we need to work out. I'm going to ask you for a big favor right now, though." He drew back to look at her, and at Kensi's nod, said, "Can we agree that we will come back to this part of the conversation at the end, once everything else is settled? I need you to believe me that we can come up with something that will fulfill you and will make you happy outside of our family. That I know you well enough to help you figure this out."

"Okay," she said with a small smile, buoyed by his confidence.

"Okay. Now, again, assuming that we'll find you the job of your dreams that won't get you killed, do you think you could see yourself leaving NCIS in about a year?"

Kensi let out a slow breath. "You asked me that three weeks ago and my answer was no," she reminded him. "But a lot has happened in that time, and I've done a lot of thinking. Can I share some of it with you?"

"Of course," he said, not at all certain that he wanted to hear it if it would still end in a no.

"You've made it clear for a while now that you're worried about us getting out of NCIS alive, and I understand that. I always have…or at least I thought I did. I understood that you were worried about me, in particular, because of what happened in Syria. And with Ferris. And then in Colorado."

"Don't forget Afghanistan," he added.

Her smile was sad. "But I did, in a way, and that's part of the problem, I think. I hadn't even taken that into account because it was, what, almost five years ago now? And I hardly think about it anymore. So I assumed you didn't either. I mean, I was the one who almost died there and I figured if I was basically over it, you were too."

"Kensi, I saw a picture of you with your throat cut open. I'm not sure I'll ever get over that."

"I know. I'm sorry. I guess since I wasn't on the receiving end of that picture, it didn't have the same emotional impact on me. And that's what I came to appreciate when I was waiting for word about your condition in Mexico, and then praying for you to wake up. It's harder on that side. To be the one worrying and waiting. You've had a lot more practice at that than I have."

Deeks whispered, "All that time you were in a coma was probably the worst time of my adult life. There was _nothing_ I could do to make you better and the doctors had no idea if you were going to wake up or be alright if you did. And…" He paused, not sure if he should admit this, but they were being too open with each other for him to hold back now. "And I didn't know if I would be strong enough or good enough to help you if you needed it."

Kensi pulled in a sharp breath, astonished by Deeks' confession. "Baby, you were _everything_ I needed. No one could have helped me more than you did." A sad smile graced her face, "But I get it now. The entire time you were unconscious I kept thinking that I had no idea how you did it for as long as you did. I thought I was going to go crazy with worry and it was only two days."

"That was the easy part," he shrugged. "There was no choice in the matter. You were there, so whenever I wasn't at work, I was there."

"Stop doing that, Deeks. Don't downplay it. You did it every time I asked you, so eventually I just stopped asking, figuring you really were alright. You should have told me how bad it was."

He opened his mouth to argue, but then closed it. "You think it would have avoided all this, if you'd known?"

Kensi thought for a moment, "Probably not. Because I also didn't remember until I had time to think about it that all that fear, that trauma, builds up. And that all those times I came close to death in the past year or so left more of a mark on you than they did on me. I'm so sorry I didn't recognize that sooner, Deeks."

"I'm not sure I did until it was too late."

"After Colorado," she said, remembering his tears and broken voice on the rooftop telling her that he didn't know how much more he could take. Kensi's own voice hitched now as she said, "I heard your words that night, baby, but I didn't really listen to what you were saying."

He chuckled sadly, "I thought you were ready to walk then, too."

"I was, in that moment. But I got over it quickly enough, didn't I?" she shook her head in disappointment. "The more time that passed, the further I got away from the pain of that phone call, the easier it was to forget what it felt like. It was easier to concentrate on the people I'd protected, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. I've used that trick a time or two myself."

"Honestly, if we'd been able to have this talk while you were still in the hospital, I would have quit right then and there." She would tell him some other time that she thought she had in fact done so. "I was so scared from almost losing you, and I didn't want to risk it anymore. But even in the past few weeks, that fear has lessened to the point that I'm sure I'll be able to put it behind me when we're back out in the field, and…here I am," she frowned, "looking forward to going back to work again and thrilled that you'll be next to me."

"Makes sense, I suppose. It's harder for me to forget at this point because I've been through that terror for you so many times."

Not sure where to go from there, they were quiet for a minute or two, occupying themselves by people-watching the groups and individuals sharing the beach with them. Deeks scratched the patches of new growth on his head absentmindedly.

Finally Kensi smiled softly, "I've wondered if that's what happens after childbirth—you focus on the beautiful baby you created and brought into the world, and then as time goes by the memories of the pain diminish. And before you know it, you're ready to go through it all again."

"So following that analogy, you're going to want to keep having babies until I cry uncle?" The twinkle in his eye told Kensi he wasn't altogether displeased with the thought.

Now her smile bloomed into the one he loved, "Let's not go that far!"

"But you do want kids? I know what you said in the hospital, and what we've talked about before that. But it really sounded like you were saying something completely different in the garage. That you couldn't give me what I wanted, like having children wasn't on your bucket list anymore."

"No, that's not what I meant," she shook her head adamantly. "You were asking me to give you a date certain that I would leave NCIS. That's what I couldn't do, Deeks. I mean, we were getting ready to leave for a very dangerous off-the-books mission and you had just been fired from NCIS. From being my partner. And you wanted me to tell you when I'd be ready to quit."

"I was asking when you'd be ready to have kids, to move on to the next part of our lives. But no…yeah, either way the timing wasn't the best, I see that now."

"They're one and the same in my head, Deeks. If I'm still at NCIS when I get pregnant, that's it, game over, and I'm gone." She paused to think back to that night. "What I was trying to say was that if it takes longer than we expect to get pregnant or if for some reason kids don't happen, that I wanted to stay at NCIS."

"Do you still feel that way?"

The question surprised her until Kensi realized she'd never answered Deeks' earlier request to leave her job when the bar was finished. She had to admit she was scared at the thought of giving up the career that she loved, that protected people and made a difference, and that she was damned good at. She didn't have Deeks' conviction that she would find something else that ticked all those boxes, and heaven knew she'd thought about it enough. She hadn't been lying when she said she couldn't picture herself doing anything else, and that bothered her.

But what bothered her more was the thought of a future without Deeks. Although he had denied it that night, and when she thought about it more calmly Kensi herself came to realize Deeks wasn't threatening to leave her if she didn't leave her job, she nonetheless suspected that her fiancé would not be as anxious to marry her if she was unwilling to seriously consider a safer career sooner than later. While it made her feel slightly defensive on its face, Kensi couldn't really blame him, she decided. Deeks wanted a long life with her, children included, and she wanted that too. He was right when he said both were less likely to happen if she didn't leave NCIS.

It was time to decide between their relationship and the job, Kensi knew. Which one did she want for the rest of her life? It wasn't as if she hadn't already made the decision once before, she mused. Kensi was still amazed by how easy it had been for her to quit, thanks to Hetty's little ploy, when she had the right motivation. Recognizing Deeks was watching her expectantly, she gave the best and most truthful answer she could.

"Yes and no." At his disappointed look, she rushed to explain. "I don't know when I'll be ready to have kids, Deeks. I know I'm not ready today. I don't think I'll be ready tomorrow. A year from now, it's possible, but I can't promise. I kind of assumed that one day I'd wake up and know it was time."

"We don't need to have a baby as soon as you leave NCIS, Kens. I actually don't want to; I want to spend time together as husband and wife instead of detective and agent before we become mom and dad. Or dad and mom if I stick with the previous pattern. So you don't have to be ready for a baby in a year. That can wait."

"Deeks, I really want to say yes, that I'll look for something else to do for work and quit NCIS when you leave to run the bar. I want to believe that sometime after that we'll decide we're ready for kids and you'll be able to knock me up," she gave him a wry grin at this, "and we'll live happily ever after. My biggest fear is that if I can't get pregnant and we never have kids, I will have left NCIS for nothing and I'll resent agreeing to it."

The answer hit him like a bolt of lightning. "So don't quit."

"Wait, what? Isn't—what do you—isn't that what you want?"

He smiled easily. "Take a leave for a year. You'll know in that time if whatever you end up doing for work will make you happy enough. Hetty will definitely approve it if it means she might get you back. And before you say your spot in OSP wouldn't be guaranteed, just think of the odds of them successfully replacing both of us with the first two people they bring in. That place will be a revolving door of agents who can't last a month doing what we do. If you decide to go back, chances are good there will be an opening there for you."

Kensi was stunned. She had never considered a leave of absence. The thought excited her. It would allow her to try something else while keeping NCIS as a back-up, a safety net, in case she couldn't find anything that fulfilled her in the same way. "You're sure about this? You'd be okay with it if I end up back at OSP, or doing something else with NCIS if necessary?"

"I'm betting you won't want to go back, but if you do, I promise I'll be okay with it. I don't want you to be miserable, Kens. And I know you'll love our life after NCIS just as much as I know I will, kids or no kids. I just need you to have enough faith in us to give it a try."

She took a deep breath. Even though Kensi had already made up her mind, saying the words to Deeks would make it real, would be committing herself to leaving her job in the foreseeable future. "I do have faith in us." She nodded as if trying to convince herself as well. "Within a year, preferably by the time the bar is finished, I will find a new job and take a leave of absence from NCIS."

Deeks pulled Kensi into a hug so quickly she hardly saw him move. "Baby, you have no idea how happy that makes me." Drawing back enough to take her face in his hands, he looked her in the eyes and said, "I swear to you, Kensi, you will not regret this." He kissed her firmly, thrilled and relieved that their happily ever after was finally almost close enough to touch.

* * *

 **AN2** : I never said they'd _finish_ the talk in this chapter! I know they haven't figured out everything yet, but you can hardly call this a cliffhanger. The rest of their discussion will be posted this weekend.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN** : Here's the rest of The Talk. I'm interested to hear what you think, so please let me know. The final chapter will be up Wednesday or Thursday.

* * *

 _She took a deep breath. Even though Kensi had already made up her mind, saying the words to Deeks would make it real, would be committing herself to leaving her job in the foreseeable future. "I do have faith in us." She nodded as if trying to convince herself as well. "Within a year, preferably by the time the bar is finished, I will find a new job and take a leave of absence from NCIS."_

 _Deeks pulled Kensi into a hug so quickly she hardly saw him move. "Baby, you have no idea how happy that makes me." Drawing back enough to take her face in his hands, he looked her in the eyes and said, "I swear to you, Kensi, you will not regret this." He kissed her firmly, thrilled and relieved that their happily ever after was finally almost close enough to touch._

"So is the wedding back on, then?" Kensi asked when Deeks eventually let her go, their smiles as wide as the ones they wore when they got engaged.

"If you'll still have me," Deeks said.

"I'm not the one who wanted to call off the wedding, so I think the question is will you still have me?"

Kensi's smile dimmed just enough that Deeks knew he needed to explain. "You know that's not what I meant, though, right? I wasn't giving you an ultimatum."

"Not even a little bit?" she asked, not convinced.

"No, Kensi. I wouldn't have just given up and walked away right then and there if you wouldn't leave NCIS. I just didn't think we should be rushing down the aisle until we were on the same page about kids and our jobs."

"I think I was primed to jump to that conclusion even though you've never given me a reason to. One fiancé leaves you in the middle of the night and ruins it for all the others, I guess," she joked.

"I would never leave you like that, baby."

The way Deeks was answering her questions made Kensi apprehensive. Her voice lowered, "You wouldn't have broken up with me then, or left with no word, but you were having second thoughts, weren't you?"

Deeks scratched the back of his neck as he contemplated how to respond. "Kens, baby…I—not in the way you mean, no." He sighed, hoping he wasn't about to make matters worse now that they were finally working things out. "I love you so much. I want to marry you and have babies with you. But I don't want to be another Sam Hanna. I don't think I could live through losing you that way. If you had insisted on putting off children to stay in a dangerous line of work indefinitely, or said you didn't want to have kids anymore…I would have had…a really hard decision to make."

Kensi nodded, knowing she had made the right choice in agreeing to put a clock on her time with NCIS. Deeks didn't want to compromise the future they had talked about, and she didn't want him to. Not when they both ultimately wanted the same thing. She didn't think he was being unreasonable; he wasn't asking her to leave _now_ anymore. And he had just given her the opportunity to go back if she wanted to, which was an incredible gift. "We probably should have talked about everything in more detail before it came to a head that night, huh?"

He took her hand, "I always said I would never ask you to leave your job, Kens. I know it's selfish of me. I understand if that seemed hypocritical or out of the blue. I'm sorry about that."

"You shouldn't be. Though it was a bit of a surprise," Kensi admitted. "I don't think you're being selfish, Deeks. Not when the whole point is so we can have the children we both want and live long enough to see them grow up."

"Maybe, but it wasn't exactly fair of me to think that just because I was reaching critical mass that you'd be ready to quit too. I should have spoken up sooner, or at least more often. And probably I should have let you know how much thought I was giving to owning a bar."

Kensi smiled gently. "Yeah, that would have been nice to hear about seriously before you brought the whole team there. I guess we've both still got a long way to go with our communication skills."

Deeks agreed and said, "You remember that couple we met at karaoke that night, they were really smart but he was a little…stiff? I bet if we'd have let him write a relationship agreement for us like he offered, it would have forced us to talk about this stuff already and we wouldn't have had that fight."

Kensi was about to argue, but realized he was right and just laughed. "Didn't Hetty get his business card? We could reach out to him…"

"No," Deeks joined in the laughter. "The only legal documents between us will be our marriage license and then our marriage certificate. We'll be fine as long as we remember to take the time to talk like this regularly."

"I think we can do that," Kensi said as she wound her arms around Deeks' neck and pulled him close, kissing him thoroughly. "We got this. We're getting married, you're going to run the bar, and I'm going to find a safer line of work. Then sometime after that, we'll start our family."

"Right. And don't forget that if you can't find a career that makes you happy, you can decide to return to NCIS after your year leave."

"Thank you for that, it really helps."

"Like I said, I'm pretty sure you won't want to go back. I'm thinking a life that doesn't include dodging bullets and running from exploding buildings will get addictive after a while."

Kensi smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Yeah," she said.

"So what's with that look?" When she didn't respond he said, "What's going on Kensi?"

"I told you I did a lot of thinking when you were in the hospital, and then the past few weeks." At Deeks' nod of encouragement, she continued, "It hasn't been a secret since I was paralyzed how much I define myself by being a federal agent. And I'm willing to try something else, for all the reasons you want me to. Because I want the same things too. But it strikes me, when I think about what else I can do, what else we can do, just how much I think _we_ are defined by our work."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I love working with you. It's how we met, fell in love, spend so many of our days. The having each others' backs in life or death situations, the adrenaline highs of shoot-outs and undercover work. Our relationship is based in our work, Deeks. It's so much of who we are as a couple. What if…what if once we don't have that anymore, things change?"

"Are you kidding?" One look at her face proved she wasn't. "Baby, where's this coming from?"

She tried to joke, "This is what happens when I have too much time to just sit and think, apparently."

"What are you talking about—that if we don't have work in common we'll drift apart, or that we won't like not working and spending all our time together?"

Kensi's eyes widened at his perceptiveness. "Both, a little?" she was almost embarrassed to admit. At Deeks' exaggerated look of disbelief, she smacked him lightly on the arm, "This is a big change we're talking about, babe. I'm entitled to be a little anxious."

Deeks became serious, "Okay, first, like I said before, work is only a part of who we are. You and I, as a couple, we're so much more than what we do when we're out saving the world. I live for the days we get to spend hours and hours together _not_ at work, baby. I love those days."

"Me too," Kensi agreed, recalling all the ways they'd passed the time since Deeks came home from the hospital. With the exception of when she slept in the mornings, there was never the desire or need to be apart. Even when they couldn't work or play as they typically did, and despite the fact that their relationship was on less-than-solid ground, they were happiest when they were together. Her worry that work was the glue that bound them had diminished greatly in the past several weeks, so much so that she wouldn't have brought it up today had Deeks not called her on it. The experience served to cement Kensi's belief that Deeks was her favorite person and her best friend, and that she was his.

"And I didn't fall in love with you because you're a kick-ass federal agent, or because we've spent nearly a decade working side by side. I mean don't get me wrong, watching you take someone down with your bare hands can be a turn on, but that's not all there is between us. I love you because your presence was all it took for me to fall asleep after weeks of not being able to. I love that when you finally found the man who killed your father you let him live, no matter what you may have been tempted to do. You rebuilt a relationship with your mother. You're forgiving. You let me see the vulnerable side of you. You worked day in and day out for months to get back on your feet, literally. Those things have nothing to do with the job, Kensi. Yeah, I love that you can plant a knife in a Gurkha's chest from twenty paces _and_ at an upward angle, but that's not _why_ I love you."

"Deeks…" Kensi was fighting back tears at the sweetness of his words. "I love you too, for so many reasons that have nothing to do with work."

"No one could blame you for falling in love with my bad-assery, though. It's the essence of the Deeksness that can't be resisted."

She laughed, "Well of course that's part of it. I mean, every guy I dated more than once could hold his own in a hand-to-hand fight and shoot well, so I guess you could say that's a minimum requirement," she winked. "But what I fell in love with was your kindness and gentleness, your compassion and generosity, your morality and humanity, your love of life…" she trailed off, eyes locked with his.

Deeks cleared his throat, "This is that vulnerable part of you that only I get to see. Kind of sexy if I'm honest."

She let out a chuckle, "Perv."

"As for the other, yeah, I'll miss working with you. It'll definitely be an adjustment, not spending nearly every hour of the day by your side, between work and home. But I think that will just make us appreciate even more the time we do spend together."

Kensi nodded eagerly, "I want to keep working out with you, if we can."

"Absolutely. And I'll do you one better. I think we need to continue our tactical training. You know, hand-to-hand, firearms, everything we can." At Kensi's look, he explained, "As much as I long for a safe life, it'll be all but impossible to forget what we've learned. We're always going to be super aware of what's going on around us and be on the lookout for anyone we've put away who's out for a little revenge. We're going to want to maintain our skills just in case, yeah?"

"So we can still be bad-asses even if it's not for work," Kensi agreed and gave Deeks a quick smile and a none-too-quick kiss. "I like that idea. You're not the only one who appreciates watching their partner kick some serious ass."

"Now who's the perv?" he muttered before recapturing her lips. Mindful of where they were, Deeks didn't let himself get too carried away. Resting his forehead against Kensi's he took a moment to let the relief he felt ease some of the tension that had been a constant companion for the past several weeks.

"I love you," he heard Kensi whisper just as his own mouth was about to form the same words.

"I love you too, Kens," he said just as softly. Deeks pulled his face away to look at his fiancée but left his hands on her neck, thumbs brushing her cheeks.

As much as he wanted to take her home and celebrate the fact that they'd made some significant compromises and were back on the same page regarding much of their future, Deeks didn't want anything left ambiguous when they were done today. The most important part of that, for Kensi, was her career. She needed a clear direction in which to head and he was determined to help her find it. "Let's get back on the topic of work, shall we? I promised I would help you figure out the next great thing you're going to accomplish."

Kensi took in a quick breath and blew it out, looking daunted by the task. "Alright then. Whatever it is has to," she began holding up fingers with each requirement, "Protect people in some way. Be challenging. Be something I'll love doing. Not increase my chances of dying. And I hate to put it this way, but I can't think of another way to say I have to feel like it's important work, you know?"

"Wow sugar bear, you're not asking for too much, are you?" he laughed.

"Yeah well, those are just the 'must-haves.' The 'would-also-likes' include something physically active and something you and I could do together. But I admit that might be wishful thinking."

"Except for the almost dying on a regular basis, you're pretty happy at OSP, aren't you?" he asked, taking her hand.

"I really do love what we do, Deeks. It's the perfect job for me. Except for the almost dying on a regular basis part, of course."

"I'm sorry for making you leave it."

She chuckled. "Babe, do you really think you could make me do something if I wasn't willing to? Like you asked, I have faith that I'll find something equally perfect."

"What about an instructor at FLETC? You can protect people by proxy, making sure all new federal agents are learning from the best."

"I've thought of that, but we love living here and the training center in LA is focused on maritime law enforcement, which doesn't float my boat."

"Oh no, you didn't!" Deeks grimaced as he laughed. "You want to take that back or go down with the ship?"

"Shut up, that was funny."

"Yeah, no. That was great, princess. Just do me a favor and don't consider stand-up comedy as your next career."

"Oh? You don't like the thought of your wife being a stand-up comedian? Would you say you need that like you need another couple of holes in your head?" When Deeks' eyes widened in surprise, Kensi asked with faux concern, "Too soon?"

Deeks smiled and said, "Uh, no. Way too obvious for a touché, though. Just wondering how long you've been holding on to that one."

"I can't tell you how many times I've had to bite my lip to keep from blurting it out. Seriously though, I think I should leave FLETC on the list of options. I mean, I'm sure I can learn what I need to and even though I'm not loving the thought of the maritime aspect, I might grow to like it."

"Keep it on the list, but toward the bottom. We can find something you'll love. Maybe we just have to think outside the box." He considered for a few moments. "Ooh, how about working at a homeless shelter, or a battered woman's shelter?"

Kensi's eyes widened and then her face fell, "I'm pretty sure I would need a degree in something other than urban countersurveillance, urban warfare, and close quarter battle. Plus I don't think the money is all that great."

"Yeah, and it might take a little while to turn a profit with the bar, so at least for the first year or so that might not be a great idea."

"But I like it. Maybe I can start taking some classes once I'm doing something with predictable hours and by the time the bar is making money, I can find work at a shelter of some sort."

"Now you're out of the box with me!" Deeks squinted and stared out at the surf for several seconds before a grin spread on his face. Looking at Kensi again, his smile grew even more. "I think I got it."

"What?"

Instead of answering, he stood up and started packing their belongings. "Don't just sit there, I think I just figured out how to give you everything you want!"

* * *

Kensi was surprised when they pulled up at the bar thirty minutes later. She couldn't begin to guess how this played into her getting what she wanted, but Deeks was so excited that she couldn't wait to hear what he had come up with.

The interior was as dark and dusty as Kensi remembered it as she made her way slowly toward the bar.

Deeks walked assuredly past her and began lighting the candles that were still on the bar top. He said, "Okay, Kensalina, take a look around. I want you to have a good image of this place in your head."

She did as he asked, knowing she hadn't paid much attention to the place the first and last time they were here. She could admit now she was probably still in shock over Deeks' announcement that he wanted to own a bar. The more she thought about it over the next few months, however, the more Kensi realized that Deeks could make it work. He would be a good boss because he was fair, knew what he wanted, gave solid direction and feedback, and wouldn't let employees walk all over him. He would also make an excellent bartender. He was friendly, funny, welcoming, listened when people talked, and remembered what they said. Plus he looked hot in a white shirt and black tie.

Kensi turned on the flashlight on her phone and circled the place, taking in its size. It was large, so it wouldn't be uncomfortable even with a good crowd. There was a space toward the back that could accommodate live musicians as long as patrons didn't dance too wildly. The dark hardwood floor was probably the room's best feature, and would polish up well, she suspected.

The upper part of the wall behind the back bar was mirrored, which made the place feel even roomier. The bar itself was in fair shape, and in a good location on the floorplan, but would definitely need some work. Kensi didn't bother to pay attention to the placement of the tables and chairs that were haphazardly strewn around the rest of the room.

She knew from what Deeks had since told her that there was a small office in the back and an apartment upstairs. The previous owner had lived there, but they could make a rent-free home a perk of the manager's position when the time came, Deeks had suggested.

"You got it?" he asked now, tapping his head as he crossed the room toward her.

"Yup," she affirmed, still curious.

He took her by the shoulders and said, "Now close your eyes." When she did he told her, "Imagine mats on the floor right where we're standing."

"Deeks, we can _not_ have a mechanical bull in the bar. Hetty would never be able to come."

"Yeah, no, that's not where I was going with that. But it is an interesting idea. What do you think it would do to the insurance premiums? No wait, never mind, that's irrelevant. Get rid of the bull."

Kensi smiled, eyes still closed. "It's gone."

"Imagine the bar is gone too, and the mirror behind it goes all the way to the floor." At Kensi's frown, he said, "Stay with me here baby, it'll be worth it, I promise. Now imagine half of the front wall is entirely windows, huge store front windows that let in plenty of light and allow people walking by to see in. How you doing?

"I'm with you. I have no idea where you're taking me, but I'm there."

"Good. Great." He gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze, "So can you see me and you in pads, taking kicks and punches from the people we're teaching self-defense to? I call this thinking outside the bar, by the way. The building is zoned for commercial use, doesn't have to be a drinking establishment. I'm not married to that idea; I want to be married to you. And we can do important work here. Help people stay safe. In addition to physical self-defense, we can teach situational awareness and planning ahead for emergencies wherever they are; the kind of stuff we're experts at. I bet we can do family classes too—parents and kids together. We'll teach people how to protect themselves—what's that saying about if you give someone a fish they eat for a day, but if you teach them to fish, they eat for a lifetime—pretty sure that's in the Bible."

Kensi's eyes opened, locking with Deeks', where she saw an enthusiasm that matched her own. "We can use the apartment upstairs to provide childcare while the adults are in class."

"Yes—you do see it! And when the time comes we can keep one of those travel cribs in the back office and use that as a makeshift nursery for our own ninja assassins during nap time."

Kensi's brightest smile appeared simultaneously with the sheen in her eyes; tears of happiness, Deeks hoped. No, he knew. Pulling her into his arms, the sense of rightness was almost palpable; they'd finally hit on what their future would look like. The feeling was incredible.

And short-lived.

The sudden tension in Kensi's body was Deeks' first clue that she'd found a snag in their newly-created plans. Her quick intake of breath was the second, followed immediately by her head dropping to his shoulder.

"No," he said firmly. "No, no, no-no-no-no-no," he begged. "Noooo…" he whined. "What is it?"

Kensi lifted her head to meet his eyes and said with just as much sadness as he already felt, "We can't expect a new business to turn a profit in the first year. We'll be lucky if it does in the second year. One of us needs to be working in a salaried job, preferably one that provides health insurance, especially once we start having kids."

"Okay, so I'll stay with LAPD and you can work at the school full time," Deeks offered quickly. "I'm sure I can ace the sergeant's exam and be riding a desk in a couple of years."

"Deeks, we both know you're going to be much better at building the business than I am. You have the personality for it; people love you and you'll be a great face for the school."

"But—"

"I'll still look to leave NCIS by the time the Blye-Deeks School of Self-Defense opens," she allayed the fear she knew he was about to voice. "But this does kind of change things for me, doesn't it? I mean, if my ultimate goal is to work here full time, it doesn't matter quite as much what I do for the next few years, as long as it provides a steady paycheck and insurance. And I'll be here as much as I can until then. I can probably teach a couple of evening classes a week."

"We can co-teach some on the weekend."

She kissed him sweetly, "I'd like that."

"For the record, my current silence on the matter of that name you just tossed out there in no way suggests my acceptance of it."

"Noted," she chuckled.

"I think we just made our first agreement as business partners."

"That wasn't so hard."

Deeks kissed Kensi like they hadn't kissed in weeks, full of passion, adoration, and promise. When he pulled away to touch his forehead to hers, he whispered, "I love you so much, Kensi. And you will love our life together, I swear it."

"I know," she assured him with a quick peck on the lips. "Because I love you too."

Kensi removed herself from Deeks' embrace and walked around the room with a new eye for what it could become. The more she envisioned, the happier she grew. They could do this, she was sure. Turning back to Deeks she said, "You were right, you found a way to give me everything I want."

"Pretty sure I'm getting everything I want too."

"You were right about something else," she said, her face and voice serious.

"Oh? Do tell."

"We need to call off the wedding."

Deeks' face fell. "Wh-what?"

"At least the one we've been planning. I think we should use the money here instead and have the simple, small, magical, and much less expensive wedding we originally talked about."

Deeks heaved out a relieved sigh followed by a chuckle. "Did you do that on purpose—try to give me a heart attack?"

Kensi smiled guiltily, "Maybe a little."

"Baby, thank you so much, but no. I don't want you to give up the wedding you've been dreaming of."

"You mean the one that's been the cause of nothing but stress and more disagreements between us than we've ever had? Really Deeks, we've got something much better to put the money toward now. I want to do this. I have all the faith in the world that we can make this a successful business."

They had been through a hellish few weeks; their relationship as tentative as it had been since before they'd gone all in, both of them knowing they wanted to stay together but being compelled to wait to find out if they could make that happen. The desired result wasn't a guarantee, and it left them both tense and nervous while they recovered. But they did it. And Deeks was happier with the outcome than he thought he could be.

They needed and deserved a little time to revel in it, to reconnect, and Deeks didn't want to wait anymore. He pulled Kensi toward him, intent on starting a celebration that would surely be continued at home. He'd been fantasizing about them and that beautiful wood bar since he'd first seen it, and if it was going to be removed, he'd need to make that particular dream a reality sooner than later.

* * *

 **AN2** : Shameless self-promotion alert: Deeks' reference to "that couple we met at karaoke that night" was from another of my stories, "The Proposal Permutation." Sorry, I just couldn't resist him bringing that up.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN:** Here it is, the final chapter. Thanks so much for coming along on the journey! One more thank-you to everyone who has favorited, followed, and/or reviewed this story. I'd love your feedback on where I ultimately take our favorite couple. Now, without further ado…

* * *

 _Fourteen months later…_

This was their child. Their baby. Nine months of love, sacrifice, planning, and not a little bit of pain and suffering resulted in the birth of Protect Yourself Academy of Self-Defense. It had been five months since they'd opened the doors to the school and Deeks had no regrets.

He worked at their school full-time, six days a week. He taught scheduled classes throughout the day and gave private small-group or individual lessons some mornings and evenings. When Deeks wasn't teaching, he was developing ideas to increase business. Kensi taught two classes, one with him, every week and insisted on helping with the books and other managerial tasks.

They worked with people of all ages, from children to the elderly, and with families. Given their combined skills sets, there wasn't much they couldn't teach, so they offered it all: situational awareness, basic self-defense, use of untraditional but available weapons, and countless martial arts and other physical combat maneuvers. In addition, they both became certified to teach small firearms use for those clients with an interest.

They had no paid staff yet, but several veterans volunteered in response to the fliers they'd hung at the VA. In exchange for a meal while they were there and the use of the space to maintain or improve their own skills between classes (the area that had been used for live entertainment in the bar was the perfect size for a mini gym, where Deeks and Kensi kept a variety of equipment), the vets took turns wearing pads and playing the role of "bad guy" for students to practice their moves. When necessary, a couple provided supervision in the play room upstairs. Two in particular were earning quite the reputation for the way they voiced characters when reading favorite books aloud to captivated children.

After their discussion a little over a year ago, Deeks and Kensi kept their promises. They also formalized some of them, in the form of wedding vows, less than two months later. The sunset ceremony on the beach in front of their mothers, closest friends, and dog had been as magical as they had imagined. Deeks had continued working with LAPD and NCIS until Kensi started her leave seven months into their marriage, having secured a job as an instructor in a sniper training program.

Kensi had taken her promises to heart and investigated a number of possible post-OSP career options, ultimately choosing sniper instructor because the timing of the offer and the start of the job most closely matched their timeline to be out of the field within a year. She'd made it out in nine months, aligning perfectly with when their school was nearly ready to open.

They timed it so that Kensi's leave from NCIS started the same day Deeks' resignation from OSP and LAPD took effect. Having heard the rumors in the weeks before, Detective Whiting contacted him a few times and tried to convince Deeks to stay with LAPD and join her in IAB, but he wouldn't entertain the offer. As a parting gift on his last day he gave her a certificate for six free classes for her son.

Kensi breezed into the small office at the back of the academy with a sack of food in hand and dropped a quick kiss on his lips before settling herself in her chair.

"Right on time," Deeks said. They ate dinner here twice a week, on the evenings they closed later to appeal to clientele who worked nine-to-five. Today was Kensi's day to bring the meal. "What do we got?"

"Burgers. Baby's Badass Burgers, to be specific."

"Ooh, yum," Deeks raved as he pulled the sandwiches from the bag. He left the order of fries behind but folded down the sides of the paper to access them easily. "And don't say it," he warned his wife.

"What?" Kensi feigned ignorance.

"How cool 'Blye's Bad-Ass Beatdowns' would have been for the name of the academy."

"Would've been," she muttered before taking a huge bite of her burger.

"Yeah, no, right up there with 'Kensi's Kick-Ass Klasses,' which was wrong on so many levels," Deeks said with a grin.

Once she chewed and swallowed, she asked, "How was your day?"

"Good. Great, actually. You remember the little boy I mentioned? André, the one who hasn't been able to separate from his mother?"

"She's been participating in the class too, right next to him? Has to basically do everything first, before he'll even try it?"

"Yep, that's the one. Even though we've been through the same routine for the past three weeks, today he finally took my hand when I offered it and joined the class without his mother."

"Deeks, that _is_ great!"

"He also has quite a set of lungs on him, as it turns out. The best we'd been able to do before now was get him to say in his regular voice, 'No, you're not my family, get away from me.' But today he screamed it at top volume. His mother nearly fell off her chair, right before she started to cry. He practically got a standing ovation from all the other kids and parents."

"Aww, baby, I'm so proud of you," Kensi gushed as she kissed his cheek.

"It may not be saving the world from a global pandemic or nuclear holocaust, but—"

"But it's important work just the same. You're giving little André the tools to save himself should he ever need to. That's a big deal, Deeks. And I'm glad we're doing it."

"Yeah, it was pretty cool. Might have had to hold back a tear or two myself," Deeks said as he messed with his hair. "I just wish you could be here all the time too, share some of these moments with me."

"We'll get there. Might not be for another year or so, but you're doing fantastic growing the business and bringing in new clients." Kensi reached into the sack for some of the fries they were sharing. "But I actually did want to talk to you about my job."

Deeks went on alert at the sound of Kensi's voice. It was the one she used when she wasn't sure how he was going to react to whatever she was about to say.

"Shoot," he said, as he did every time he prompted her to share stories from sniper school. The fact that it didn't result in her usual eye roll worried him.

"I know when I accepted the position, we were both aware that it might not be as…exciting as I would have liked," she started.

Deeks put down his burger. "But we agreed that given the timing it was the best option, and even if you didn't love it, you should be able to stick with it for a couple of years until the school takes off and there's enough business for you to work here full time too," he reminded her, hoping she wasn't about to say what he feared.

"I'm sorry, Deeks, but I just can't do it. It's so _boring_. The same thing, week in and week out. And it's not very challenging work because the students are already good at what they do; I feel like I could sleepwalk through the day and no one would notice. You know how much I love shooting, so I really thought I would be okay with it, but I'm not. I'm sorry," she said again.

"So what are you saying, that you want to quit sniper school? After barely five months?"

"Yes," she said slowly, obviously reluctant to say what came next. "There's an opening at—"

Deeks recalled that during a recent dinner with Nell and Eric, they learned that the latest recruit had just washed out of OSP. "Kens," he cut her off, slightly desperate. "You promised me a year. That you would try something else for a year before thinking about going back to NCIS."

"Baby, that's not what I was thinking! I have every intention of keeping my word. And to be honest, I'm nowhere near ready to give up life as a civilian."

"Wait, what? You're not? Then why are you acting so weird?"

"Because of what I want to do next."

"Which is?"

"A couple of this week's trainees are from LAPD. They told me they're looking to hire a new instructor at the police academy."

Deeks' brows furrowed. "I don't get it, why are you freaking out over that—you'd be a shoe in. It would be perfect for you. A lot more variety there, there's no way you'd get bored. And plenty of the trainees will offer you more than enough of a challenge."

"You'd be okay with me working at LAPD's police academy? Next to a lot of the same people who trained you?"

"What do I care? They'd be lucky to have you, Kensi."

"It's just—some of the stories you've told me about your time there, I didn't think you'd be thrilled with the idea."

He laughed. "Baby, they'll hold our relationship against you, not me. As a matter of fact, you might want to introduce yourself as Blye and not Blye-Deeks at the interview," he half-joked. "But seriously, if you don't mind several months of head-shaking and people wondering why the hell you married a wild-card big-mouth joker like me, you'll be fine."

* * *

In fact, she was better than fine. Just a few weeks into her time as an LAPD police academy instructor, Kensi knew she'd found what she'd been afraid she never would: a career she loved outside of NCIS that protected people, was meaningful and important, kept her interest, challenged her, was exciting, and most important, was no more likely to get her killed than the average secretarial gig.

Kensi was a hard worker with an excellent skill set. She'd learned while she was a sniper instructor that she enjoyed teaching adults, and that she was good at it. Today had been her six-month review at the LAPD academy. She had expected it to go well, and it did. There were a couple of things she hadn't expected, though. After a few stops, she was on her way home from work to talk to Deeks about them.

When she opened the front door, she could smell dinner cooking. The time they'd spent in the kitchen during their recuperation hadn't been in vain. Combined with their more predictable hours, one or both of them managed to cook a couple of times a week. Friday nights were reserved for Deeks' Famous Fajitas.

He only taught classes at Protect Yourself on Friday mornings now, having found that most people preferred to keep Fridays after work free and were less likely to sign up for a recurring class at that time. He didn't mind, as business more than made up for it during the rest of the week.

Closing the door behind her and stopping to give Monty some love when he approached, Kensi sniffed the air and said, "Steak fajitas tonight?"

"Got it in one," her husband replied from the kitchen. "I had a brilliant idea today, so be prepared to be amazed next Friday."

"Oh?"

"As I was shopping for the steak, I had a sudden yen for bulgogi," he said the word in a sing-song voice and wiggled in Kensi's bulgogi dance as he did so. "On the way home I wondered why I couldn't use good old fire meat as the protein in fajitas. Decided there's no reason not to."

While he spoke, Kensi crossed the living room and quickly put a bag in the freezer. A few more steps had her directly behind Deeks, and she turned his face toward hers to kiss him hello. "You've been snacking on the peppers."

She returned to the fridge and pulled out and opened a couple of beers, handing one off to Deeks. "Ah, you much prefer the taste of a cold cerveza on my tongue, don't you?"

Kensi smiled. It had been a very thorough kiss hello, and he wasn't wrong. Taking a pull on her beer, she realized something. "Did I see a bottle of champagne in the fridge?"

"You most certainly did. I anticipated you would have an outstanding six-month review and we'd have something to celebrate." He paused in his ministrations over the stove. "Does the fact that you just snuck a half gallon of rocky road into the freezer mean I was wrong?"

Kensi was only mildly surprised that he knew what she tried to casually tuck into the freezer moments ago, down to the size and the flavor. As Deeks had suggested the day they'd hashed out their plans for the future, they'd made it a point to maintain most of the skills that had been so necessary in their previous line of work. Deeks powers of observation remained as sharp as they ever were.

Instead she made an incredulous face and said, "About my review? No, you were right." She kissed him again, lingering even more this time because the combination of Deeks and Mexican beer was quite appealing. "I appreciate your confidence in me."

"That's my girl," he whispered, stealing one more quick peck. Turning his attention back to the fajitas he asked, "Then what's with the ice cream? I know for a fact you're not due for your lady phase this weekend."

"While we eat," she said, getting plates and glasses from the cabinets and setting the table.

A few minutes later as they dug into dinner, Deeks said, "So spill. What's up?"

Kensi continued to pile meat, veggies, and cheese onto a tortilla and said, "The review went really well. They're more than satisfied with my performance, and the ratings I got from the new officers are very good." The LAPD training program was a rigorous and demanding twenty-eight weeks in length. Kensi had begun shortly after the current class started and cycled through many of the courses with them, teaching alongside established instructors, in order for the commanding officers to assess what areas she would specialize in for subsequent classes.

Most new faculty came in with one or two key skills they could teach, and started in their rotations immediately. For people like Kensi, many of whom came from federal backgrounds, this assessment period was required. Part of her review today was to assign her to more permanent courses. "They assigned me to firearms training, special tactics, and Spanish."

Deeks put his hand to his chest in ersatz shock. "What? No driving courses! I'm stunned!"

"Shut up," she laughed.

"Spanish was a gift," Deeks said, serious again. "Since firearms and special tactics are such big-deal, heavy classes. Gives you a bit of a break."

Kensi nodded. "I was happy to get tactics. I thought they might make me prove myself in self-defense for a while before giving me that. I figured firearms was a no-brainer, considering how many I've been trained to use, not to mention my certifications to teach small firearms and sniper rifles. And yeah, Spanish should be a nice change of pace."

"That's only three. I thought instructors teach four courses each?"

"Well, the reason I was late, aside from making an ice cream run, was because after my review they asked me to stay for a meeting with some other people."

Deeks raised his eyebrows in curiosity. "Who? And why?"

"Lieutenant Bates and Chief of Detectives Slatterly."

Deeks choked on the food he'd just put in his mouth.

After he swallowed and chased it down with a long sip of beer, Kensi explained, "They want to add a course in undercover work for hand-picked new officers and established cops, and they asked me to write a curriculum, describe what kind of skills and abilities they should be looking for in the recruits, and ideal staffing requirements and qualifications."

"Holy shit, Kens that's incredible!" He leaned over and planted an enthusiastic kiss on her lips.

She beamed at him. "That'll take up the rest of my time for now. If and when they go forward with it, or likely some version of it, that'll be my fourth class."

"Baby, I'm so proud of you. That really is amazing."

"Thank you Deeks," she said, laying a hand on his thigh.

"Don't thank me, you did this all on your own. Hell, you did this despite my reputation there."

"Stop. There's nothing wrong with your reputation at the police academy. They may remember you were a smart-ass, but they also remember you as intelligent, quick on your feet, and unafraid to try anything. None of the instructors you had were at all surprised when I told them you held your own on a team of specially-trained federal agents for a decade. And I wasn't thanking you for the compliment. I was thanking you for helping me realize that there is life beyond NCIS. I think the last time I was this excited about work was when I made OSP."

"Really? Not even when you talked about having a tiger as a partner and going through a door, spitting lead, shouting, 'NCIS, bitches!'"

Kensi rolled her eyes but smiled, "Okay, if that had actually happened, that's the level of excitement we're talking about here, yes."

"So overwatch in an RV kind of giddiness, then," he teased.

"Definitely close. That was pretty awesome."

He picked up Kensi's hand and kissed the knuckle just above her wedding rings. She wore both to work some days, depending on what she would be doing. "Well thank you for taking the leap of faith with me. I know it wasn't easy for you."

"It wasn't as hard as it would have been without you to come home to every day. Not to mention support and encourage me. I love you Deeks, and taking those leaps with you have been some of the best decisions of my life." She held his eyes for a few more beats and gave his hand a slight squeeze. "Speaking of decisions, I know we said that long term I would plan to work full time at our academy with you, but—"

"But nothing, baby. You are where you belong. You love it there, and you're safe. That's all I ever wanted. When it's time, we'll hire someone to work at the school with me. Besides, we're not going to get health insurance anywhere near as good as you do with LAPD."

"Are you sure? I know I'm not the only one who really enjoys us working together."

"Of course. I love you too, Kens, so much. And if you keep sweet-talking me like that, we're going to have to let Monty finish dinner and move this conversation into the bedroom."

"Not yet," Kensi said as she pulled away and focused on her food again. She loaded another tortilla and continued, "In addition to stopping for ice cream, I also swung by the mission on my way home."

"What for?"

"To hand in my letter of resignation. My leave ends in a few weeks and I needed to let them know my intent."

He smiled, joy mixed with relief that her time with NCIS was finally and officially over. "Why didn't you tell me you were going? I would have gone with you, said hi to everyone."

"I wanted it to be a surprise. I mean it shouldn't have been news to you that I wasn't going to go back to NCIS, but I wanted it to be a done deal when I told you today."

Silence settled over them as they concentrated on their food for a little while, each thinking about Kensi's news and what it would mean for their future plans. Deeks pushed his plate away and said, "I'd love to help you with that undercover curriculum if you want."

"That would be great. I was actually, uh…hoping you could be a little more involved though."

"More? Like what?"

"Like come on board and help me teach it. I think it would be perfect to have a male and female instructor, and you're the best undercover operator I know. It would be part time for you, and not even every week."

"I already have a full-time job," he smiled. "Or did you forget the academy _I_ work at?"

"Uh, no, you slacker. Have you forgotten I've been holding down a full-time job and putting in hours at our school for nearly two years now? There's no reason you can't do the reverse. Plus it'll be a little more time we can work together."

Deeks' face contorted as he considered the veracity of her words. "Yeah, no. You got me there. So I guess I'm in, if LAPD will take me back."

"I don't think that will be a problem, especially if I start dropping hints on Bates now. It's going to be a while before this is anywhere near ready to run, anyway. They're looking at three months, but I think it'll be closer to six."

"Ah, you've learned well the bureaucracy that is the LAPD, grasshopper."

"Besides," Kensi added nonchalantly, "if you're one of the instructors, I don't have to worry the course will be ruined when I go on maternity leave."

His mouth was empty this time but Deeks choked anyway, "Wh-what? Kensi, are you…what are you saying? Are you pregnant?" As far as he knew, Kensi was still using birth control. He doubted she would have stopped without telling him. But accidents did happen, even on the Pill.

"No. But remember when I said I assumed I would wake up one day and realize I was ready to have a baby?"

"Yeah, of course. Today was that day?"

"No. Turns out it didn't happen that way."

Tickled with the turn in their conversation, Deeks asked, "Then how did it happen?"

"We had just finished teaching the kids' Saturday morning class. I was talking to one of the parents when Apple Ericson went all in on a kick and fell over. She startled herself and started to cry. Before her mother could get there, you were kneeling next to her, calming her down and making her laugh, and…doing exactly what I always imagined you would do for our kids. And then, bam!

"Bam?"

"Bam! It was like my ovaries did a summersault and started producing I-need-to-have-a-baby-NOW hormones."

He thought back to that day. "Wait a minute! Was that the day you…we…in the office, after closing?" Kensi had been extremely passionate that afternoon and barely waited until they locked the front door before she tried to get his clothes off.

She actually blushed. "What can I say? It was quite the turn on."

Deeks shook his head in amazement, recalling some of the more noteworthy moments of that experience when he realized something. "That was weeks ago, why are you only telling me now?"

"Because I wanted to make sure it wasn't just a temporary thing. I didn't want to say something only to have the feeling go away."

"But it didn't."

"Nope," she confirmed with a pop. "So I went to the gynecologist last week to get the all-clear and—wait, I have something for you." Kensi got up and scurried down the hall. He heard a door open and close, and in seconds she was back. She placed a shoebox on the table in front of him. "I was going to wrap this and give it to you as a little present to tell you, but then…"

"You thought you'd slip it into the undercover class discussion."

She shrugged, "It seemed like as good a way as any. I actually did have that thought about maternity leave on the way back tonight. Given the possible timing if we start trying now."

He shook the package, "What's in the box?"

"Do _not_ even start with that, Deeks. Open it," she commanded.

He did, and found a bottle of prenatal vitamins, two packs of birth control pills, and a box of home pregnancy tests. "I feel compelled to sing that song from Sesame Street, 'One of these things is not like the others, one of these things doesn't belong,'" he sang as he held up Kensi's packets of birth control.

She laughed and took them from him. Opening both she said, "This one has a week of birth control left and then a week of placebo. This one is next month's prescription. I'm going to finish taking these," Kensi waved the half-empty plastic case. "You can decide what to do with these," she held up the other.

"Like what?"

Kensi shrugged. "Just because I'm ready doesn't mean you are. You didn't want to have kids right away after we left NCIS. We've had almost two years of Kensi and Deeks time, but is that enough for you?"

Deeks took the full packet of pills from Kensi and closed it. He met her eyes and spoke softly, "We've spent the past couple of years doing everything we can to make our dreams come true. We got married. You left a career you loved and found a safer one that you love just as much. I've been building our business. We work together part time at our school and play together when we're not at work. And we may very well work together even more at the police academy in a few months. You, my beautiful, wonderful, kick-ass wife have just told me you want to have our baby, and you're asking me if I'm ready? Kensi I have dreamed of this day." He blinked purposefully to keep the tears from falling. "I hate to repeat myself, but I said these words another time one of my dreams came true, and they work here too. Yes. Absolutely. What the hell. Yes."

Just like that day, Kensi threw herself laughing into Deeks' arms. This time she was the one who muttered words of disbelief, "Did we really just agree we're going to try to get pregnant?"

"No take-backsies," Deeks warned warmly.

"Never," she assured him.

When they parted, Kensi started to put the items back in the box. She put her current birth control prescription aside and picked up the full one. "I guess we can throw this out, then."

Deeks grabbed it from her hand, "Are you kidding me, I heard these things are great for the skin. Maybe I should try them. I've been feeling a little dry. What do you think?"

Kensi laughed out loud. "I hate to repeat myself too, but you are an idiot."

She began clearing the table, and Deeks helped with the cooking detritus, saying, "The faster we get this done, the faster we get to baby-making."

"My doctor said I should finish this cycle of pills first. But that means that technically after next week, the baby-making will commence."

"So why did you buy the super-sized ice cream?" One of Kensi's favorite go-to snacks when she was in a bad mood or when she had her period was rocky road.

"I wanted to have it available in case I started having cravings," she said.

"Kensalina, you just told me no baby-making will result from tonight's activities."

"Are you going to argue with the future mother of your child about something as mysterious as a woman's body?"

"Yeah, no. No. Definitely no."

"Good. Besides, I think now that we've made this decision, we need to practice this weekend, a lot, for when we actually are trying to make a baby. Rocky road will help me maintain my energy level."

The kitchen taken care of in record time, Kensi kicked off her shoes toward the living room. Deeks followed suit while Kensi started to undo his belt, pulling him down the hall to their bedroom.

"Energy's good. Practice is great. We want to be able to put all our best effort into little Princess Sunshine," Deeks said, yanking his shirt over his head.

"You mean little Athena? Or Apollo if it's a boy."

Deeks stopped, serious and certain. "How about a little Faith?"

Kensi blinked at the sudden change. It took half a heartbeat for her brain to catch up to what he'd just said and what he meant. She ran her hand down the side of his face and to his neck, eyes never leaving his. "Yeah, a little Faith is all we need."

* * *

About a year later, photo announcements arrived at Protect Yourself, LAPD, the Office of Special Projects, and the homes of family and friends:

Kensi and Marty Deeks Proudly Welcome  
Faith Ann Deeks  
(Ninja Assassin In-Training and Future Proprietor of  
Protect Yourself Academy of Self-Defense)  
Born December 20, 2020 ~ 10:01 AM  
7lbs, 12 oz ~ 21 inches


End file.
